Passport Details

Here is the step by step process for getting acess to India, as outlined by the internet: 1) Apply for Visa 2) Get Visa 3) Fly to India. Unless, of course, you are me (which, by the way, you are not, unless I'm reading my own writing, in which case I should get a life). Then the play-by-play goes something like this.

1) Download Canadian Passport Application forms because my passport has expired
2) Fill them out- twice, because my handwriting is too messy the first time
3) Realize that, for some reason known only to a mythical being that resides in a tower made entirely of paperwork, Birth Certificates issued in Quebec before 1994 are not suitable for passport applications. (I was born in Montreal in 1983. For those of you who are math impaired, that makes me 50 years old).
4) Sit on the phone for a long time trying to get around the Birth Certificate issue without luck.
5) Call Quebec, which tells you to order a new birth certificate- for money, of course. Also, another mythical being (this one sitting atop a fountain of purest bull manure) has forbidden them from telling me when said birth certificate might arrive.
6) Download forms and order birth certificate.
7) Wait a month
8) Call Quebec again, and ask them what's going on. Have them tell you it should have arrived last week. "We'll accelerate your request and call back in two weeks if you still don't have it."

I am now in still in the waiting stage, and time is running low. It sucks. I envision myself flying to Vancouver, where you can get an Indian visa overnight, just to make my plane.


Oh yeah, applying for the South African Passport was fun too. I sent in all my forms, and when we called back a month later (because my mom was having "evil dreams" about my passport, which turned out to be quite prophetic) the consualate "never saw the forms." I'd like to introduce the jerk who tossed my forms into the garbage to a rabid hyena and let them fight it out, but anyway, moving on... We had to get new forms (apparently the old ones were outdated anyway, which involved 3 passport pictures, siugnatures from every human being who is a serial killer (and to qualify for serial killer status you have to make at least three kills, all for the purpose of pleasure), and a full set of fingerprints. Also, a single thumbprint on my other form, which I naively thought wouldnt' be a big deal.

I was partially right, It took about 5 seconds.. and 25 extra dollars. I wish the police would stick to fleecing speeders. Pick up some potheads and find them if you need cash. Then I found out a policeman I know woulda been more than happy to thumbprint me free of charge. Yay.

So ya, I am sitting here waiting for things to arrive in the mail. As to my volunteering in South Africa, I may be working with the South African YMCA. They show great interest (as told to my my sister) in having me volunteer for them. Contacting them, however, is a whole new exciting story, that you'll have to ask me about in person.

That then is the state of my travels... frustrating and incomplete.. hopefully things work out. If you are reading this and am a praying type person, please spare a minute to ask the Big Guy to speed up the Birth Certificate office. I really wanna go to India.