Frick, Man...
Things were going so well. My car was resgistered, I finally went to school and prison, I even have my own school program to set up. In wrestling practice, i was racking up the points on everyone- even the good guys. Then I stepped wrong, got tossed on my back, and the weekend went to hell.
To sum up:
throat = sore
internet acess = gone, because the people whose computer I was using virused the crap out of it, downloading songs but not purchasing antivirus software despite my many warnings, then suggested I had wrecked it.
home = moving. The people I am living with decided to move to Gurut next week (they were supposed to move in March. I now need to find a new place to stay, at least until they get settled.
fishing trip = cancelled. I booked a trip on a boat. It was too windy to go out, so i sat on a dock, wached the seals play below, wrestled my bait away from seabirds and caught 8-inch fish for the local kids. (This part was actualy kind of fun.)
Insurace companies = scam artists, springing hidden costs on my at the last moment, because of which my car is still uninsured. (This is legal here... injury claims caused by accidents are covered by a gas tax you pay when you fill up.)
Cell phone = not working. This problem was quickly solved.
Hubcap = off. I found it again, but this does not bode well for the future.
Wallet = stolen. This one sucks big time. Luckily it was taken by subterfuge, not violence. I still don't know how "they" got it, unnless it fell out of my pocket when i say down, but in the 3 minutes between using wallet and missing wallet it was nowhere to be found. I spent most of the evening cancelling cards, which was luckily sucessful.
Sometimes when this much suck happens, you can only sit back and laugh, try to think of funny things, like the thought of some homeless guy (there's scores in Muizenberg, stubbornly refusing to use the shelters) running around swiping my mastercard in electronics stores. Or look on the bright side, I guess, and be thankful my boat didn't capsize, I didn't land on my head, my phone works again, my sister will lend me money and Mastercard will not charge all those TV's to my account.
4 comments:
Noah's Ark: A modern tale
And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.''
And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
''Okay," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
''Six months, and it starts to rain,'' thundered the Lord. ''You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.''
And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.
''Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?'' A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.
''Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we got 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls.
Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. And the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years,'' Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.
''You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?'' Noah asked, hopefully.
''Wrong!'' thundered the Lord. ''But being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the earth, but with something far worse than a flood. Something man invented himself.''
''What's that?'' asked Noah. There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoke:
''Government.''
Then the LORD decided to smite South Africa, for they were evil in HIS sight. Because of constant lack of rain, he had to come up with a non-flood plan, so He sent his angel down to take a look.
The angel reported: South Africa mightily deserves a smiting. The governemnts steal money while the people starve. The people themselves sit on their asses instead of working. The crime rate is the highest in the world, and people murder and rape each other all the time. The roads are death traps, the beuraucracy is a joke, and people shoot drugs and fornicate without ceasing while the entire country dies of AIDS.
The LORD shook his head in disgust. "Well, there's nothing I can do. They're already in hell."
Don't ask "can anything worse happen", you don't want the answer. Hang in there, sounds tough.
Stan
I don't remember asking that... things can always get much worse. For example, I could live next to the school I visit, where high school kids have helpful advice like "when the shooting starts just run and hide". I feel like a bit of a coward, actually. I drive up to the school, lock my car in the gate, tell the kids to be good, and drive back home. Little girls and boys friggin' live there.
All that said, I know I sound miserable but I'm really not. "Things went well today" just doesn't make an exciting blog post. Thank you for the encouragement.
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