A Waste of Life?

This will be my 2nd last post. I plan to write one more, after some potentially life changing (in a positive way) events have sorted themselves out, but that'll be it... I'm now back in Edmonton for the forseeable future, which is just not exciting enough (canoeing in thunderstorms notwithstanding) to warrant writing stuff people might want to read. Perhaps some day I'll have more adventures, and then I'll start filth-man up again.

I've been struggling to come to a conclusion about what, if anything, I learned in South Africa that is applicable to everyday life. (Something deep or spiritual, as opposed to factual.) And it wasn't until I was listening to a sermon by Rob Bell on my computer (thanks Jacob from http://www.twentyfeet.blogspot.com/) where he alluded to something that Jesus said, something I found chillingly applicable...

Jesus tells a story... (Luke 12)
The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, "What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops." Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." But God said to him, "You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?" This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.

Unfortuately for my attempts to understand theology, this story does NOT explain how exactly God speaks to the man, nor comments on this man's salvation or lack thereof... what it does do, however, is offer a chilling perspective on THIS life. The "rich man" seems to be doing exactly what he should be, after all... "Gee, I'm sucessful!Let me invest capital now, in order to keep all of my gains and secure a happy, comfortable life for myself!" What a loser, didn't he realise... no wait, isn't that exactly what must of US want out of life? Sucess, enjoyment, lack of hardship?

Then, of course, the man dies. The story doesn't say (as Rob suggests) if God kills the man because of his greed, or why he dies, but either way, what good has the stuff done him? He who dies with the most toys does not win, it seems, unless he is also "rich towards God."

I read a chapter in a book once, where the writer argued that Christians should not have ANY material goods beyond the basic food, clothing, and shelter (and perhaps a car to drive the rest of their stuff to the food bank.) He argued that it it, in fact, immoral for Christ's followers to be rich. I was immediately and loudly offended- like HELL poor people are getting my fishing rod and box of DVD's- but the thought continues to haunt me. I'm not too worried about God's wrath at my wealth (though perhaps I should be... "how terrible for you rich", says Jesus, and we're all richer than most everyone in Jesus' day) but I wonder what would happen if all Christians did, indeed, give all their unnecessary posessions away. Think of the suffering that we could remove if we worked and gained income for the sole purspose of using it to help others!

"Thankfully" for a Westernized (read filthy, filthy rich to those in Mitchell's Plain or Vijayawada or most of the planet) person who rather likes his posessions, the Bible isn't that straightforward... the famous "heroes of faith" passage in Hebrews lists several rich people among God's favorites. God often rewards people with stuff in the Old Testament. Think of Joseph's advice to Pharoh in Genesis 41: "And now let Pharaoh look for a discerning and wise man and put him in charge of the land of Egypt. Let Pharaoh appoint commissioners over the land to take a fifth of the harvest of Egypt during the seven years of abundance. They should collect all the food of these good years that are coming and store up the grain under the authority of Pharaoh, to be kept in the cities for food." Maybe the Rich Man in Jesus' story was a fan of Joseph?

I think Jesus had another message in mind for this story, beyond the perils of having too much stuff (a message, by the way, that Jesus harps on repeatedly.) I think he's worried about a wasted life. In my vast pile of books I brought to South Africa to help me survive the boring flights, I had one called "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper. Unfortunately, the book was itself boring, and could be summed up very completely with the title. However, that doesn't mean he wasn't onto something. Jesus, like Piper, reminded his listeners that we all die. Someday. Hopefully not soon. Hopefully not painfully. But someday. (Sucks, don't it?)

In South Africa, that reality was never far from me. I wish I could say that I lived in constant threat of death and survived only due to my cunning, because that would be really cool, but it would not be true. I did not. I did, however, live in a country with close to the highest homocide rate in the world, and with road fatalities not far behind. A place where you a red light becomes a stop sign after dark so you don' that to sit there vulnerably, where there are shark-watchers on the beaches and many of the people you see are already infected with HIV. (Of course, HIV+ people are no threat whatsover to your health unless you choose to have sex with them, but they do remind you that life is terminal.)

I was robbed at knife-point and had a security guard point a shotgun at me. I captured thrashing, jabbing wildlife with a man whose head is scarred from a giraffe-kick. I worked in a prison filled with murderers without security present. Please don't misunderstand.. I was careful, and relatively safe, for most of the time, but the awareness that "if this goes wrong it could kill you" was never far away. In much of South Africa, you can sense the tension; it never really leaves. I imagine a person living in Hanover Park feels much like an Impala in Kruger; they must be on guard ALL the time. People look over their shoulders when they go for walks, and they lock their car 3 times just to be sure. It sucks.

In Edmonton, things aren't nearly so dangerous (thankfully), but the same principle applies, the principle I think Jesus was getting at. "Some time your life will end. What will you have to show for it?" Stuff, unless it's used to fulfil a larger purpose, is useless in and of itself. So what counts? Memories, perhaps? Historic Achievements? Good deeds? Relationships? Religious stuff?

Jesus and I are hardly the only ones to realize that people don't live forever here on earth. (After all, it's fairly obvious.) The Warrior Achillies in the movie "Troy" says it this way to a Trojan Priestess: "I'll tell you a secret. Something they don't teach you in your temple. The Gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again. " Achilles hopes to attain immortality through his deeds, which will long outlive him.

As a Christian, who believes that we DO get to live forever, that we become more beautiful, more lovely, more happy after we die, things are a little bit brighter, but the pressure doesn't go away. We only have one life. What will we do with it? If the story Jesus tells is any indication, God is not too impressed with the "good job, nice house, fun times" American-dream life, and neither should we be. In fact, I'm not too sure how we should spend our life, though Achillies may be onto something... we want to aim high. Killing people with broadswords may not be the calling for most of us (though, for some Biblical characters, it was!). Instead why not try to solve world hunger, cure cancer, slow, put an end to all wars, clean up India, make Mitchell's Plain safe, fix Zimbabwe (ok, so this one might be stretching it) and maybe even do some evangelism? Or at least put a dent in the aforementioned problems? What is to stop us... Lack of comfort? after seeing Indian children sleep happily on concrete, you realize that comfort is relative. Danger? The most certain reality of all is that we will die some day anyway. Poverty? Jesus, at least, thinks that "Blessed are you poor, for yours is the kingdom of God."

I'll be the first to admit that I'm afraid of death. Very afraid... though I believe in an afterlife, I haven't actually seen it. I'm not too worried about the propect of God being mad at me and restricting my heavenly rewards or sending me to hell, though perhaps I should be. (If there is ONE thing worth worrying about, this one might be it, and it's not something people seem to consider outside of fundementalist churches.) I am, however, worried- deeply worried- about leading an insignificant life. A boring, regular, pointless life in which I have a bit of fun, make a bit of money, get old and fat and accomplish nothing of value at all. Wouldn't that suck?

I'm reminded again of my favorite movie, Gladiator. If you haven't seen it, do so now... , I'm constantly struck by the moral questions asked by the action thriller, and by the intelligent portrayal of an afterlife SO glaringly absent in most of Hollywood. (Oh, and a man fights tigers... very cool!) In the opening schene Maximus, the hero, gives a great motivational speech before his troops go into battle.

"Hold the line! Stay with me! If you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium (heaven), and you're already dead! Brothers, what we do in life... echoes in eternity."

I love the two thoughts Maximum passes on to his men before they risk their lives. One is that what they do is important. Not just here, not just now.. but what we do in life, echoes in Eternity! The second is that, if that even if they die, so what?. If the worst that can happen is death, and death is the gateway to endless joy, what reason can their be to fear? May as well go out in a blaze of glory, trying to do something meaningful. William Wallace's line in Braveheart, my other favorite movie, comes to mind... "Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

As a Christian uncomfortable with the concept of hell (as extensively explored in these posts http://filth-man.blogspot.com/2007/01/more-hell-sweet-moses-i-loathe-africa.html and http://filth-man.blogspot.com/2006/12/problem-of-hell-since-i-am-going-to-be.html) I feel obliged to point out that many religions, including mine, do not promise that everyone will have a pleasant afterlife. I don't feel ready to tell other people where they are or are not going when they die, and what they should do to change it... However, many, many people are ready to do just that. I would, however point out that making one's peace with God, getting a so-called ticket to heaven, is really important... but it doesn't end there. As Maximus says, what we do in life, echoes in Eternity... If we accept this as true, this makes the important things even more crucial, and the insignificant things even more pointless.

Philip Yancey lists several characterists he would expect from a society with no belief in an afterlife. (Obsession with youth, concealment of the old and the sick, research into extending life, emphasis on physical safety, avoiding discussing death whenever possible, a hedonistic life style where "we eat and drink, for tomorrow we die). He then points out that this mirrors OUR society. If we believe, really believe, that what we do in life echoes in eternity, that meaningful things really do last for ever and meaningless ones do us absolutely no good in the long run, what impact should this have on us? How should we live our lives?

I'm not sure I have the answers. Not sure at all. But I do feel, for once, that I'm asking the right questions.

Role Models

Personal notes:
1) In less than a month, my girlfriend Kathryn will be gracing SA with her glorious presence!
2) This weekend my sister and I plan to grace Addo Elephant Park with our presence.
3) I won the Western Province Open... see comment on previous post for scores.

anyway...

You must be the change you wish to see in the World- Mahatma Ghandi

I've decided to be a role model. Not because I'm a terrific human being, which I am not. Nor because I think everyone else should be like me. Just because I can't do a whole lot else. I have discovered that I am unable to save Africa. (I know, I was suprised as well.) Nor am I able to do a huge amount of good while I am here. I like to think the repairs we instituted will help out one school , the motley group of prisoners take my words to heart and the kids I coach will stop getting pinned in a quarter nelson. However, with only 1 month left in my work, I'm not here nearly long enough to start any large-scale humanitarian project and I don't have enough faith to evangelize. So I've decided to be a role model, hoping desperately that when I leave Africa the good (but not the bad) parts of my character and knowledge and goals remain behind, transferred to a larger number of people with the ability to make a lasting difference.

My sister and I have decided that many of South Africa's problems can be traced back to a harmful attitude: South Africans want to live a Western life style of materialism, sexual freedom and wealth, without following the "western" strategies of safe sex, years of education and long hours of work. (Yes, this is a massive over-generalization... and also to blame are the already rich whites, who don't want to share with their former subjects.)

Inefficiency, slopiness and corner-cutting are absolutely rampant (see most of the posts on this blog.) You'll have to ask me for specific stories in person, they are many and fill us with "permafrustration". I'll only share one... a senior member of a humanitarian association recently asked me what country I was from, then proceeded to tell me in detail that a) the Canadian flag is hideous, pointless and stupid and b) I am a racist. He didn't stop until I snapped and threatened to hit him... who does that? Who goes out of their way to piss off people trying to make a difference for free? I wish this were an isolated story but it's merely the strangest one.

As a "real" westerner, I- we- can be role models by mere nature of our upbringing. The thought of my modelling order, work ethic, time management, organization or efficiency would be downright comical in Canada (I bet my parents are laughing as they read this.) In South Africa, I can. In SA I can be shocked about racist comments, question the need to bring a gun to a bar fight, tell students that a 60% fail rate is NOT normal for high school, and that the crime is the worst on FRIGGIN' EARTH and should never, ever be accepted as normal. It's hard, really it is, to convey the attitudes of apathy and ineffectiveness that one encounters here. It is, perhaps, impossible to convey them without sounding like an arrogant prick; if so, I appologize. However, after much thought, I have decided what South Africa needs is not so much my "life skills" teaching, or even my money, as my willingness to paint a school of my own initaitive, my desire to question why a car must only take R30 at once, my ability to befriend people of all races, my need to argue that volunteers need to be treated well so more of them will come. (This is a real problem; both missions and the places they work at, schools and prisons and churches, don't know how to handle help.) More importantly, SA needs full time South Africans to do those things more often.

On a more philosophical/religous note, shouldn't we all be role models? Certainly, all of us who call ourselves Christians- "like Christ"- should be. Imagine, for a moment, if all of us made the following pledge: I will inspire others to improve our world by my example. I wish I myself could honestly say that. The Apostle Paul asks us to "imitate us as I imitate Christ!" Wouldn't it be cool to be able to say that?

Each of us is good at something. My personal talent at the moment seems to be complaining. But who is to say that God, in His wisdom, did not place me among people who frustrate me- who could be doing so much MORE good if they did things more efficiently- for that very purpose? Perhaps God can use me to help others do their work better, to provide alternate viewpoints and to suggest ways of changing procedures? Perhaps this is my calling.

I started my post on a pretty cocky note ("I've decided to be a role model") precicely because I thought it might raise some eyebrows. But the more I think about it, the more I wish that all of us would say that. Our world is a hell of a mess (not just South Africa) and not-giving-a-crap is a major reason why. I know; I don't usually give a crap either. Perhaps that has to change. Perhaps I need to start to care; not once in a while, when I get to go to an exotic country to try to help out, but all the time. Few of us are going to be Ghandi or Mother Theresa or Nelson Mandela, though it doesn't hurt to try. All of us, though, can try to do something- can try to do a lot- to help improve our world. And if we were all role models, if we all tried to model "caring", I have to believe that even if our own efforts were futile, the ripple effect could lead to something big.

Role modelling is, after all (for Christians, and probably other religouns too) one of our core spiritual disciplines. Jesus calls us the "Light of the world"; the Kingdom of God is within us and is shown through us, apparently. We are the hands of Christ. God (and I'm not sure why, because we suck at it) has chosen us to be his hands. When Christ was on Earth, his hands healed. His hands comforted. His hands worked. His hands were tirelessly involved in the helping of, and the eventual sacrifice for, his fellow human beings. Why can't I be more like that? Christian living is- should be- so much more than avoiding drugs and sex and the f-word. We should- we must- be the change we wish to see in the world.

This post would not be complete without listing a few of my role models, people who have, and are, working their rear ends off to improve the lives of others. They are, in many ways, my inspiration. Many are Christians, many are South Africans, and all of them do amazing things...

They include a group of coaches putting together the largest wrestling club in the country to offer low-income students a chance at sucess; a businessman who finances the project, helps out his athletes financially and gives me a place to stay for free; my co-workers at the YMCA, willing to forgo a higher salary and put up with danger and hassle to help others; my uncle who gave up a lucrative medical practice to work amongst the poor and lobby the government for better AIDS care; my grandfather, who gave up a lucrative building contracting business to evangelize the Zulus in the hills of Natal; my parents, who support their kids financially and emotionally even when we leave them and do stupid, dangerous things; my sister, the most ethical person I know, who runs a project to feed a homeless shelter while studying medicine, and finally my girlfriend Kathryn, a constant source of support and encouragement even when we are far apart. You guys ARE the light of the world. May there be many more like you.

Evil Forces

"Every two weeks, I pick a man and I make him a woman. He washes my clothes, and brings me food, and I have sex with him. If he refuses I kill him."- General of the "28s" gang, Pollsmore prison.

"I left my gun on the table when my son was two. It was loaded. He shot himself through the chest, and died in my arms on the way to the hospital. I trust in God that, one day, I will see him again." Leader of the "Americans" gang, Mennenberg.

These two quotes (and to be honest, I paraphrased) are from a video discussing gang activity in South Africa. The first gangster, imprisoned for life in Pollsmore, has so much power he rapes people weekly, and has killed several, on the inside without reprocussion. The guards fear and respect him, and the entire prison population jumps at his command. He is a king in prison, ruling the fortress that should be punishing him by fear.

The 2nd gangster leads the most-feared street gang in South Africa (which is currently battling the 28s for drug turf.) Haunted by his past, inspired by his firm religous beliefs which make it crystal clear that his lifestyle as atrocious, he still has no intention of quitting his life of crime. The money made from tik (crystal meth) is just too good. The entire justice system is so corrupt- cops, judges, prison guards- that the crooks at the top can brag about their crimes on television and still get away with it.

Hearing such statements, and talking with members of their gangs in prison, I find it easy to believe in the Devil. In Evil, real and living and active, twisting ordinary human beings to do horrible things. When heterosexual men gang-rape boys for the fun of it, when devout Christians live lives that cry out "don't do this- ever!" something is seriously wrong. We can try to explain such behavior, I'm sure, citing psychology and sociology and pharmacy and historical factors. We might even explain it well. However, behind it all I see the hand of an evil mastermind, a spiritual being dedicated to screwing up the world as most it can.

Christians (and some other religons) call this being Satan, of course. In churches back home we believe in Satan- the Bible mentions him after all- but we don't think about him that much. Mostly, he seems to make people tired at prayer meetings and cranky at staff meetings at camp. In South Africa, theologans analyze the Bible regarding Satan to a ridiculous degree. They come up with highly inventive and shockingly specific explanations about Satan's past, his future, his present powers, the ranks and names of his evil minions, and even his appearance. While I find the theology fanciful, I now understand the emphasis: in Africa, the hard work of Evil Beings is easy to see, and people gleefully hop on board.

Consider, finally, what I consider the most depressing- and fascinating- part of the Bible:

When the thousand years are over, Satan will be released from his prison and will go out to deceive the nations in the four corners of the earth—Gog and Magog—to gather them for battle. In number they are like the sand on the seashore. They marched across the breadth of the earth and surrounded the camp of God's people, the city he loves. But fire came down from heaven and devoured them.
Revelation 20

For those not familiar with the book of Revelation, this event takes place after Satan has been in prison for 1000 years and God rules the earth. Basically, people have been living in heaven-on-earth while Satan has long hours to think about not pissing God off anymore. However, Satan is (apparently) so evil that, knowing full well he will get his butt kicked again, he rushes off to cause more misery (much like many of Pollsmore's prisoners, who spend their whole lives in-and-out of jail.) And human beings, having lived in heavenly conditions for 1000 years, decide to fight for Evil. What could compel one to do such a thing? (Don't tell me they are innocently misled. They have 1000 years to see what is right, they can see God face-to-face and ask Him if they have questions, they even have the book of Revelation before them to explain what's going on.) Evil beckons and human beings willingly follow, spitting in the face of what could have been. We do not, today, have the ablility to see God face-to-face. Few of us will ever join a street gang. We may never even shoplift instead of working. However, I wonder how often we- myself included- do the exact same thing on a different scale. Knowing exactly, without a doubt, that something is wrong, we shrug our shoulders and do it anyway.

I hate to end this post on such a miserable note, but I feel that if I make it longer it will start to look dumb. I will mention, however, a glimmer of hope, perhaps the only hope against supernatural evil: supernatural good. My faith may tell about the devil, but it also says that no human being, no matter how messed up, is beyond redemption. In a subsequent post, which will require a lot of thought (and thus might take a while) I want to explore the possibility of human beings choosing to side with supernatural Good (and after all, many do... in Revelation, countless human beings do NOT follow Satan), what that looks like, and the results it has.

Issues with God

Lately it seems that I have issues with everyone. I always thought I was easy-going and could get along with everyone, but apparently not. I have issues with my former landlords over money matters, issues with my “employers” over communication and issues with school and prison officials over (their) laziness. Some of this is no doubt entirely my fault, but it still leaves me frustrated…

So anyway, I can just hear a bunch of Christians reading this and saying, “it’s okay. Just turn to God. He’ll take care of you.” And with that, we come to the reason for this post: my issues with God, whose help I would greatly appreciate to resolve my issues with people. Whatever it means to be connected to God, I’m not. Like a billion married couples in the world, we have bad communication. I struggle to understand God’s presence, and actions, in this world. The claim that the God of the universe gives a crap about what happens to us is rather presumptuous, but it’s one of the cornerstones of religion, and Christian thought in particular. God apparently talks to us, or at least to millions of other Christians. Since I have never heard a voice booming from heaven, and my dreams tend to involve my fighting animals and not spiritual guidance, I have asked a bunch of other Christians, especially Charismatic ones that emphasise such things, how God speaks to us.

Through the Bible…
The Bible is great for learning about morality and useful for understanding theology. (In fact, I should probably go research the Biblical principles of God-communication). I don’t know how much it helps personal communication though. The Bible doesn’t tell me if I should quit my job, start a project, lend a friend R5000, or drop a weight class. The Bible seems to suggest that the Spirit of God takes care of these things. Does the Spirit work together with the Bible? When I actually read the Bible (instead of reading about it) I get really confused. It's not made clear to me at all. I’ve even tried the “open the Bible” trick, where you throw open the Bible and trust that God wanted you to read the verse that appears. Sometimes it actually works… unfortunately, “God” tends to tell different people different things... For example, the last time I tried this trick, struggling to understand the conept of hell, I landed on a very Universalist chapter. I doubt a lot of charismatics have had the Spirit tell them that hell is temporary.

It's sometimes argued that, the closer you are to God, the more correct your understanding of Scripture. Works great in theory, but in practice? Billy Graham and Mother Theresa, two of the most “godly” people of recent times, have vastly different understandings of theology. And even if God does give some people flawless Bible understanding, how do the rest of us know who they are?

Other Christians tell me that, while they might not understand the theology of the Bible, certain verses speak into certain people’s lives. For example, the story of the ungrateful servant convinced me to indeed lend a friend R5000, but I’m still unsure about whether I heard from God, or just put myself on a guilt trip. Personal interpretation is not always benign either; the Dutch Reform church in South Africa decided that the story of Joshua spoke to them in a special way, which meant white people were the chosen race and black people the evil Caananites. I’m pretty sure that one wasn’t from God.

Through the emotions. You “feel the presence of God”. Maybe I’m the wrong person for this one, as I am not in touch with my feelings (my most emotional moments usually involve sports) and very cynical. In fact, this might be one of my barriers to experiencing God. At a worship session I want to make sure that I REALLY feel God moving, instead of just enjoying the music. (Usually I do neither, I’m just bored.) Nor do I especially crave “feeling” God, I just want Him to tell me stuff. I’m not totally immune to Spiritual experiences, though: I once spoke in tongues. It was very unexpected and very strange. I even tried to swear in tongues. Surely, I thought, the Spirit won’t allow this, and sure enough I could not swear. This very cool experience helps remind me of God’s existence, but is singularly unhelpful for planning my life now. If God communicates through feelings, does that mean I should trust my emotions? I thought that was the cornerstone of irresponsible living.

Through that “still small voice”. This is the one that honestly confuses me, and I’ve tried to get definite answers from many different people. How does God talk to us? Do we “hear a voice” in our brain, or feel a conviction, or assume that when another person gives adive it is coming from God? How does this one work? (I really want to know. Tell me.) A charismatic pastor explained to me that there are 3 “voices” we hear: God’s, Satan’s (or that of demons) and our own. It's almost like that cartoon with the angel on one shoulder adn the devil on another. A sceptic would assume that most thoughts, good or bad, come into my head without any supernatural voice … but let’s work with the “two voices” idea.

Some thoughts act loving, speak the truth, help another person) can be safely assumed to be from God, or at least agree with what God would say. Others (watch that pornography, tell that lie, punch that guy in the face) can be assumed to be evil, even if Satan himself didn’t actually say it. The problem is, there is a bunch of grey area. This encompasses both morally confusing areas (do I turn the other cheek or stand up for my rights? Can I teach kids a lesson I disagree with?) and practical, morally neutral ones (where do I live? What job do I do?). It seems that God would be giving the good, or correct, ideas, whereas Satan would imput the bad ones to screw up my life and make me unhappy... but how do I tell them apart? Is it God’s will, or the Devil’s, that I am in South Africa now?

Biblically, Satan seems to be pretty good at what he does. If Satan is speaking into my head, how dare I trust any thought at all? (I’ve been told he can fake near death experiences, so that unsaved people think they aren’t going to hell, which leads to a nasty shock when they actually do die. That takes a lot of power.) I’m not sure I believe this, but still… How can I possibly have faith in a voice that I presume to come from God when it might come from Satan? If Satan can decieve most of the world, why am I immune?

Even more troublesome, does God really want me to do what’s good for me? For all of the apostles, God’s will seemed to be torturous death. How can I trust that God wants something else for me? Perhaps, even if I find His will it will suck beyond all imagining. Perhaps God’s will is for sinful Africa to die of AIDS and crime, a plague of sorts. Where would this leave my peer education group and myself? Opposing God? The truth is I haven’t the foggiest idea what God wants for a bunch of things, so I have no reference point for deciding if in idea might be from Him.


Through circumstances.
Some Christains tell me that “there are no co-incidences” and that everything happens for a reason. I seriously doubt that, but I can believe that SOME things happen for a reason. ("You said 'shutout'? Of course the other team will score now.") More seriously, in my family, there have been numerous occasions of “opened doors” (as the Sound of Music would say) which seem to be signs from God. However, just like God’s voice, His signs aren’t always clear to me, nor do they unequivocally point in one direction. For example, does all the frustration I feel about Prison Work show that God is slamming a door in my face so I will move elsewhere? Or am I experiencing the “adversity from Satan” I hear so much about, and does God want me to fight it and persevere? Or perhaps God and Satan are both sitting there amazed at what a naïve fool I was to think I could do things in Africa without struggling all the tine. How do I know? Perhaps if I pray a lot, God will tell me.. probably through a feeling or a still small voice. Wow, I better stop typing before I say something really sacreligous.

Total surrender.
This one, I haven’t tried. I can’t even bring myself to sing “I surrender all” in church because I’d be lying. (Nor, for that matter, is Jesus everything I want.)According to many, this is the key to effective communication with God, so it may well be the reason I struggle so much. For me it’s like a big catch-22. I don't have faith without experiences, and maybe I can't get experiences without faith.

If God’s plan for me is to die under torture, like the apostle Peter, well maybe I’d rather live I’m not sure why, but I have trouble accepting that God really is, well, nice. I always picture him as more of a traffic cop. in my own will and accept less heavenly rewards. I’ve always distrusted God. “Okay, one lie… two lustful looks, and you said the F-word.. I’m gonna break your starter.” (In fact, the most supernatural force at work in my life seems to be bad karma. My pride AWAYS comes before a fall.) Clearly, God and I have problems beyond bad communication, but since communication is the one that seems to destroy early relationships, maybe I should work on that one.

Anyway, I always ask for comments on my blog, mostly because they make me feel important. This time, when I ask for comments, I have a purer motive. I really would appreaciate advice, or anwers. I’ll even take sympathy.

MITCHELLS PLAIN

(Note: To see how the wrestling went, check post below this one.)

Wow. Sometimes this place scares the shit out of me.

Yesterday, I was in a sketchy-looking parking lot with 3 YMCA workers (my immediate partner and our 2 female bosses) when some drunk men began, persistently, to hassle us for money. The girls freaked out "lets' go before they attack us!" so we jumped into me car and I peeled out of the lot, feeling very cool.

I thought they were being a tad dramatic. Then one of them launched into a story- her sister had, earlier that week, been caught in a massive gunfight between two gangs- IN the Police Station- A couple blocks away from the YMCA. Wow. The other girl didn't have a cool story, but today she was robbed. Oh well. Everyone in Mitchell's Plain has been robbed.

Today, waiting to judge a high school debate on abortion (particularly gripping because, statistically, many of the participats will be raped at some point in their lives) I had a truly bizarre discussion with my partner about theology (again.) It blew my mind. He has a strong loathing of Roman Catholicism, because they apaprently mixed the truth of Christianity with paganism. True, maybe, but iw was wierd for him to say it because he is a pretty unorthodox christian who doesn't believe in hell (score- there's more of us every day) and thinks that eternal life is a kind of reinarnation. Then he went into his beliefs on history and geography and race, drawing heavily on the books of Genesis and Revelation and truly bizarre interpretations therof.

His arguments deflated when I convinced him that Isreal is in the Middle East, not Africa, and that the race-based theology of his "experts" was used to justify apartheid. This brand of Christianity is like another world for me. (Homework assignment: flip througha book by "Rebecca Brown: MD". Do so without reading what other doctors have to say about dr. Brown. That's the kind of thinking I'm talking about.)

I am battling with feelings of racism myself these days. It sucks. Comes not from hanging out with Afrikaaners, I think, but from hanging out with colored people... Because I work with mostly the colored culture, all my fears and frustrations are directed towards people of that race, and I long to escape to sanctuary among "my people" who think the way I think, work the way I work and isolate themselves from areas of crime. I know I'm a terrible person, and that scares me toom, because every time I go off feeling superior fate, or God, or my subconscious, makes me do something really stupid so I feel humble again. I don't want to be humbled again.

Anyway, my posts keep coming out negative, complaining and whiny and all that. I'm sorry. I really am. i want to write about people's lives being changed, people overcoming adversity, hope and fun and adventure. I really do. I don't know why I feel so melancholy lately, or why I'm not thrilled to be doing this. I think my sights are set too high.

Fixing the Problem: Part 2

Personal notes:
Lockdown in prison today, no acess for us, so I'm blogging. I will be in Mpumalanga for most of the week, trying to gain a spot on the South African wrestling team in freestyle and greco. I have no idea what to expect, but it will be tough. As always I love emails and comments, but it might be some time before I have computer acess again.

‘Does HIV cause Aids? Aids is an acquired immune deficiency syndrome. I don’t believe it is a sensible thing to ask if a virus causes a syndrome. A single virus cannot cause a syndrome. A virus causes a disease. Aids is a syndrome … including 29 different diseases. When you ask the question, does HIV cause Aids, the question is: does a virus cause a syndrome? It can’t.’
- South African President Thabo Mbeki

If you do not realize why the above statement is re idiotic, please read up on HIV/AIDS before reading the rest of this post. (In short, HIV does cause AIDS!)

If part 1 of FTP is brutal right-wing conservatism (better policing) part 2 is the epitome of left-wing liberalism. Education. Educated people make better decisions. I have a double stake in promoting this education: as a teacher by profession, I've been trained (indoctrinated?) to value education. As a worker for the YMCA, I've chosen education as my volunteer labor. My main job involves going into schools and prisons, helping programs that teach people self-control and good decision making skills. I've also gone on Christain radio and offered "advice" to the listeners. Education rules.

Lack of knowledge is killing South Africa. Not just intellectually or financially, but also physically. While our doctors work their fingers to the bone combatting AIDS, lobbying for cheap antiretroviral drugs (the drugs that keep HIV+ people alive)and and running education programs our polititians make stupid statements like the one above. (Stay tuned for the 'politics' part of FTP, when I will discuss more stupid politicans). Idiots. Mind boggling, rage-inducing idiots. It would be hilarous it if weren't so tragic. AIDS is a miserable way to die. When our politicans act backwards and stupid that makes other countries want to avoid dealing with us.

Educatiors fight against more than just lack of knowledge. We fight against "culture". It is always a sensitive subject, trying to change someone's historical or traditional beliefs, but sometimes protection of life must rule over cultural ideas. It is NOT okay for a man to have sexual rights over his wife or girlfriend (ie she can't say no) in an HIV-flooded land. It is NOT okay for people to believe that raping a virgin will take your AIDS away. (Of course, people who choose to follow those cultural ideas conveniently forget that traditionally, black African culture was sexually conservative.)

There actually are many education progarms in South Africa, working with mixed sucess. Reading over questionaires filled in by students in low-income areas, most kids seem to understand the basics of AIDS. This makes me happy. Prisons are flooded with education programs. Even the government spends money educating. The YMCA seeks teach people "how to think" rather than just how to act. We target gang leaders in prison, and train "peer educators" in schools. We teach students how to deal with their emotions, differentiate fact from oppinion, say no to peer pressure, and strongly suggest abstinence until marriage. Many groups follow the ABC plan in AIDS education: Abstain, Be faithful to one partner, use a Condom. with each step safer than the one below it. Slowly, painfully slowly, messages get through. People change and make new lives for themselves.

Of course, the problems with education are two-fold:
1) There is dispute over what is "good" to teach. (Example: do we emphasize condom use or complete abstinence?) I've been told by medical students that professors made fun of them for not experimenting sexually. This seems silly- all religous or moral reasons aside, there are damn good MEDICAL reasons to be sexually conservative in Africa. Not all ideas are good ones, and not all knoweldge is helpful. South Africa would be a much better place if no one knew how to make Cryztal Meth.

2) Knowing something and doing it are two different things. South Africans are notorious for not acting on their knowledge, or for ignoring obvious truth. Thabo MBeki HAS to now what the global consensus on AIDS is. Willful ignorance is easy enough, especially when surrounded by so much real ignorance.

Prisoners are more than willing to tell long, reasonable stories about the mistakes they made in their past, the wrong paths they went down, the wasted years, and how they are changed people now. Once they get out onto the streets (or even out of the YMCA meeting) it's a different story. Many of them have been in prison repeatedly. Who is to say this stint, this class, makes a difference? There are social and economic reasons why people reoffend, of course, and we need to deal with those also, but you can't underestimate the willingness, or unwillingness, of human beings to make good choices for themselves.

Talking to medical students in South Africa, they are driven to total frustration by the unwillingness of patients to follow simple doctors orders. "Take these antiretrovirals, at X dosage, at Y time each day, and it will extend and drastically improve your life." And the patients take them sparodically, only when they happen to feel like it, and then the ARV's do nothing except make you sicker. How can you help people that won't take a bloody pill to curb horrible suffering? Tuberculosis, almost unknown in the west, is reaching epidemic proportions in South Africa, partly because people don't take their medicine to completion, creating drug-resistant TB.

I could go on and on... How do you educate against laziness? Against a person who would rather beg than get a real job and contribute to society? Live off government handouts rather than make an honest living? The lack of commitment to doing a good job, being punctual, backing up your commitments, ideas we take for granted in North America, are comically lacking in Africa. Really. Not all South Africans are like this, of course: many, many people are hard-working, honest, and dedicated. However, negative trends are easy to see. These are not the rants of a crazy Ann Coltour-type conservative. These are honest observations made by many people from different racial, social and political backgrounds. You really can teach a man to fish, but you can't make him get on the boat.

Education is great. Education is necessary. Education is hope for the people of Africa. But without motivation, Eucation will fail. We must continue to educate the people of South Africa. However, we must not fall into the trap of thinking that it will solve all problems by itself.

Fixing the Problem: part 1

Time to stop whining and fix problem. The problem that is South Africa. (No, not by blogging, I'm merely sharing the ideas of otheres here.) That is, after all, what organizations like the YMCA, YCN ministries and the like are trying to do. South Africans have the resources and the infrastructure to do well. What we lack, is what every other place on earth lacks as well: morality. Good, old fashioned morality may no longer be a catchy phrase, but in a place like South Africa its lack is glaringly and tragically obvious. "Though shalt not steal"- "though shalt not kill"- "though shalt not sleep around"- "though shalt get off thy fat ass and do some work"- "though shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, even if their skin color is different"- if people truly believed, and did these things, South Africans could enjoy the beauty and diversity of their country without living in fear.

I intend to write several posts about different things suggested here to fix the problems.


Solution 1: Meet force with bigger force.

Don't dismiss brute force out of hand. Every justice system in the world uses it: crime = jail. Fear is a powerful motivatior. Speeding tickets slow down drivers. Failing grades make students study. Even religons use concepts like karma, and hell, to coerce people into doing good.

It's a common request in South Afrioa (even amongst liberal, loving, level-headed people) that we bring back the death penalty. Our liberal constitution is not suited to the bloodthirsty populace. Sample story: a friend of a friend was driving to JoBurg when his car was hijacked by 4 heavily armed thugs. One smashed him upside the head with the butt of a shotgun, but as he fell, the man (who happened to be an ex-soldier and a crack shot) pulled his custom-made pistol from his sock and laid waste with it. The robbers riddled the van with machine gun fire but the man broke the trap and tore off, leaving one of his attackers dead. The man, who had acted purely in self-defense, spent the rest of the year fighting a lawsuit, because the man he had shot turned out to be an off-duty policeman. The law often helps the guilty, it seems. Often crime does pay, while the law screws around with auto registration.

I sympathize with the man. I don't have a gun or anything (nor do I intend to get one) but the other day walking at night, I was approached by large black men and my hand went quickly to the knife in my pocket. Paranoia rules the day here. "What's this guy doing? Trying to sell stuff to drivers?" "Or checking them out to find one to hijack."

Worse, as civilians are starting to arm themselves in self-defence, criminals resort to pre-emptive violence. "The good ones stab first, then rob" a man incarcerated for armed robbery told me. He has been in jail 6 times and he's 20. South Africa's penal system is backed up to a crazy extent. People await trial for months, while criminals found guilty are released for lack of space. There are no halfway houses, no place for first-time offenders, so kids that get arrested for shoplifting come out members of prison gangs. (to join a gang, you have to stab a warden or get sodomized.) The real thugs don't fear the police, they shoot the police. What's a man with a wife and kids and a pistol to do against a carjacking gang with AK-47's? Tragically, in many cases it's "join them".

It seems clear- and this is after much discussion, with South Africans of different races, experiences and social groups- that we need to get ourselves a new police force, and fast. The old Apardheid-era police force was efficent, but brutal. I don't suggest we bring them back; it's no suprise that the new goverment and their opressors refused to work together, and loathe the cruelties of the old regime. The new police force needs to be tough, but fair. I've always advocated US marine-type soldiers that aren't stuck in Iraq. Men that are well armed, well trained, wear body armour and kind of hungry for trouble. Men then know how to shoot, do things by the book, and are well paid.

A Cape Town police chief asked me what I would do to improve policing here and I said "pay them more". He arged that cops already make enough and the police force needs instead to be instilled with a sense of pride. Cops, he says, no longer feel loyalty to law and order and the badge. Rather, they want to make maximal money with minimal risk. When dealing with organized crime, this is clearly not okay. The laziness, slopiness and general inefficiency of the rest of Africa can not be allowed to taint the justice system, and right now it clearly does.

I feel terrible writing much of this. I know former gang members. I work with them, I try to help in them in prison, they are my friends. Yesterday one of them fixed my car. They are human beings, with families and thoughts and feelings, just like the rest of us. I don't want to wish them harm. I don't want them to be arrested or sodomized or killed.

I don't consider myself especially bloodthirsty; I haven't been in a street fight since grade 9, and I still wince whenever I'm killing fish. I wish I could say that love, hope, and gentleness can win the day. And, in many cases, it can. Seeing the difference in the lives of criminals- murderers- that have found the love of God and a purpose to live is amazing and inspiring. But until the time that all of them are willing to do that, people will keep dying. Innocent people. Women and children are caught in the crossfire of gang wars every day. School children tell me stories about avoiding bullets. More cops, more guns, more jails is a terrible solution, but I fear it is a necessary one.

South Africa, get some cops that fear nothing, shoot straight and spit on bribes. It's time to crack down.

Bible Stories

My Car is Registered!!!!!!!!!

And, until I have actual experiences in schools and prisons, a little story about theology:

Everyone agreed it was a tragedy. At 6:45 pm, a bomb exploded at the hotel where the Summit of Christian leaders was held.. Five men were killed, respected leaders all: a Catholic Bishop, an Evangelical Pastor who specialized in End-Times, a Televangelist who followed the teachings of Calvin, a Liberal Christian writer and a Jehovah's witness who had somehow been invited. Why they had been murdered was soon determined by police. Why, in the deeper meaning of the word, this tragedy had happened was discussed for years to come. Perhaps Satan, fearing unity amongst his greatest foes, had goaded the bombers on. Perhaps there was no underlying reason, and things had just turned out this way because some people are psychos. Perhaps God, in his infinite Wisdom, had deemed it time to call them home. Or perhaps, he was simply sick of their bickering.

The five men's eyes slowly opened, or more accurately re-appeared, for their faces has been melted by the heat of the blast. When they saw again, however, their bodies were whole. The writer, whose hours hunched over a screen had not been kind to his vision, suddenly saw clearly, without glasses. They looked around in wonder. They stood on some surface- solid, by the feel of it, but it was unseen in the mist. The mist was thick below at ground level, but as you looked up it faded to a sky of brightest blue. Music, beautiful and bizarre, reached their ears, and a lovely smell- one that can not be described in words- reached their nostrils; or perhaps, their sense of smell itself had been heightened, like that of a wolf.

“Where are we?” the writer said. It was a simple enough question. They tried to think things through. A clap of sound, a flash of sudden light, unbearable heat- and then this. It was all very strange. For many moments, they stood and wondered.

“Heaven”, suggested the Calvinist. It was a good answer, he thought.
“Can't be”, the preacher scolded. “That can't possibly have been the rapture. We won't get to see heaven until the Second Coming of Christ.”
“Oh, you end-timers” scoffed the Calvinist. “You obsess about the obscure and disregard clear doctrine. Did not Jesus say 'today you will be in paradise with me'?”
“If we're in heaven, why is the Cultist here?”snapped the preacher, pointing at the Jehovah's witness, who was still a little stunned by the turn of events.

“A Jew of Jesus' time” offered the writer “would say we are in Sheol, the world of the dead, awaiting the final judgment..”
“At which time he-” the preacher pointed at the Witness again “will be cast into the :Lake of Fire!”
“What'd I do?” the man wanted to know.
“You rejected the free gift of Christ on the cross, you are not 'washed in the blood', you did not accept Jesus as your personal Saviour!”
“Yes, we ALL know that's how Jesus put it!” the Witness snarled back, dripping sarcasm. “How narrow can your mind get? Fool...”
“Watch it! Now you're really on the brink of hellfire!”

“If this is purgatory”, the priest wanted to know, “why is there no pain?”
“It's Sheol, not Purgatory! Purgatory is an invention of your church. You Catholics are all alike. Just wait until your share of plagues is added to you.”
The priest shook his head. “How you Protestants pretend to understand Scripture, while rejecting our Lord's explanations through the church will never cease to amaze me.”
“When I read, the Spirit tells me what it means!”
“The Spirit tells ME that you're an idiot!”
““You're a false teacher with a false gospel. Christ will tell you he never even knew you!”
The Calvinist chucked and shook his head. “Why God chose you lot before the beginning of the Earth I'll never know.”

That set off a whole new chorus of yells, which might have continued for ages of the ages, had not a pair of stronger, louder voices silenced them. There was shouting, load and raucous, but strangely joyous, mixed with the sound of cheering, grunting, and heavy thuds.They walked towards the sound, quiet and a little scared, and the backs of a multitude came into focus, standing in a ring, observing something in the center from which the shouting came.

“Father of many nations, is it? You'll soon see who your daddy is!
“You don't scare me, wait until I get a hold of your hair!”
“I killed thousands with a jawbone. You were scared of your brother!”

Squeezing themselves into the ring, overcome with curiosity, they saw two men, stripped to the waist. Both were wearing gloves, those small fighting gloves which protect your hand but don't pad your blows, as they rolled over and over on the ground, hitting and kicking and grappling, smiling all the while.

“You think you can take me? You could barely build an altar. I pulled down a temple.”
“You used the Lord's Spirit, that doesn't count. I wrestled against Him! Don't forget, I pinned the spirit of the Lord!”
“His angel...” muttered the preacher.

Apparently the hearing of the men was heavenly t0o, for the smaller one stopped- though his head was locked in a pair of monstrous arms- and tried to look up. “Let go for a sec, Samson... Sorry, what was that?”
“Don't you mean, you fought the ANGEL of the Lord? It said so in the Bible...”
“Oh, does it?” Jacob wasn't even breathing hard. Apparently fighting didn't make you tired in wherever-this-was. “the Bible didn't exist in my time, I haven't really read it. Guess I should though, wonder how I came off looking in there.”

“Never read the Bible?” all of them were aghast. “The Bible is the Word of God! His Revelation to Mankind! His one trusted source of Truth!”
“Oh, sorry, man.. Up here, it doesn't seem necessary.”
“You're telling me...” the preacher was still amazed... “that in four thousand years, you've never even bothered to look?”
He was a little sheepish. “To be honest, we keep pretty busy up here. Lately, we've been having a tournament of champions. Took me 3 weeks just to tap out David, you'd never guess how slick you get wrestling bears.”
“You know”, Samson put in, wiping a lock of hair from his face, “we've been getting a lot of Bible questions lately. Everyone who comes here talks about it. “
“Well, I'm sorry, God didn't give us lion-ripping power, he gave us his inspired Word!” more sarcasm. Samson just laughed. “Fair enough. I'll go see if Paul is busy. I understand he wrote the parts you guys read most.”

It took a while- or not, time didn't really exist for them- until Samson returned, bringing a man with him. This one didn't look like he would last long in the tournament of champions. He was short lean and slender like a runner, and his back was covered in scars. Each one shone a little, and you could tell he wore them proudly. He shook each of their hands in turn. “I'm Paul”, he said. “Pleased to meet you.”
“The APOSTLE Paul?”
He shrugged. “I suppose. What can I do for you guys?”

They had to think about it for a second. “Where are we?” asked the writer. It was, after all, the original question.

“In heaven, of course..”
“In the Kingdom of Heaven- you know, the one that starts on earth, or in Heaven Heaven, the new Jerusalem?”
“Do you SEE a new Jerusalem?” scoffed the end-times preacher.

Paul laughed. “John, John, John. I told him not to use those metaphors. People won't understand, I said. They take everything literally, I said. But no, John says, I just write down what I saw. Do you think I knew what the crazy creatures in Revelation stood for?”
The writer was used to being misquoted. “Poor guy.”

“Oh, I wouldn't feel too sorry for him”, Paul laughed. “You should have seen John tear into Matthew when he read his Gospel. 'How can you leave out the Entire salvation-through-faith part? You made it look like Jesus was all about good deeds! Heaven and hell based on feeding your neighbor, without a word about the prayer of salvation? John went on and on. Man, he's lucky Matt turned the other cheek!” Paul laughed. “All us Bible-writers get it sometimes. I get off easy, I think, I guess a “#1 Evangelist all-time” Crown of Righteousness makes people lay off a bit. Just James won't shut up. 'Don't forget works. You keep leaving out works. Faith without works is dead'.”

If they were aghast before, they were flabbergasted now. “You ARGUED? You guys disagreed?”
“Well, we were all inspired to God to write, but yeah, we all had our viewpoints, emphasised different things...”

The writer had been wondering for years. “Can you explain how the Bible was Inspired, please? I've always wondered. Did God dictate to you?”
“Of course he did, or the Bible would be just another book!”
“Inspired doesn't mean infallible!”
“Oh, wow, you really are a heathen!”
“Pull the log out of your own eye, buddy!”
“How about the other writers? Leviticus doesn't seem too special! And Song of Songs- are you kidding me, inspired erotica?”
“You ARE going to hell-” “I'm saved by faith, you dolt!” “You can lose your salvation, you know” “No, you can't” “Heresy, absolute heresy!”

Then they began to pepper Paul with questions.
“Did creation take place in 6 days?” “Is Evolution from Satan?” “Why were others punished for David's sins?” “Does hell have real flames?” “What's the unpardonable sin?” “Did you ever baptist infants?” “Why is gayness an abomination?” “Why couldn't the Jews eat pork?” “Does the rapture happen BEFORE or AFTER the millennium?” “Can women preach in church?” “What if they cover their heads?” “Why Must Catholics be so stupid?” “Is Jsus really the Saviour of ALL, or did you just kinda throw that in there?”

Paul sighed. A deep, heavy sigh. He raised his hands until they calmed down.

“I'll try my best to answer all your questions. Really, I will. But first, let me explain a few things.”
They were all ears. On earth, a Bible lesson from the Apostle Paul would have been a dream come true. What's more, they were all certain they would be proven right.

“In my time on Earth, I had many of the same problems you did. I was a Pharisee. An expert. I, too, struggled to understand my Scriptures. Songs of Songs? I didn't like that one much. Psalms? David praises the Lord for his protection in one, and cries out in fear the next. And the Prophets... ahh, yes, the Prophets. They were all over the place, stuff that happened lifetime, stuff fulfilled in Christ, stuff about the second coming. I knew the Prophets back-to-front, but I needed a voice from heaven to see they pointed to Jesus. Imagine that!”

“Of course, God gave me incredible knowledge afterwards, showed me the heavens and all that, taught me great mysteries so I could preach to the nations. That was my primary calling, after all. Those Books I wrote... letters, really... “Romans” to the church in Rome, “Corinthians” to those in Corinth, “Galatians”, ah yes, to those foolish Galatians. Still trying to do under their own power what God has already done. I was confident in my writing, of course, but I had no idea that God would use it shape our faith two thousand years later.”

He sighed again. “You guys realize that I wrote in Greek, right? We all have the gift of tongues now, of course, but if I gave you originals of my letters when you were still alive, you wouldn't understand a word. I tried- oh, wow, did a try- to put the unfathomable mysteries of God down in words people back then could understand. Frankly, I'm always amazed at how well you guys do now. Faith? Hope? Love? Eternity? Justice? Two thousand years of culture, two thousand years of evolving language, even those concepts don't mean quite what they used to in my time. If I was writing letters to the church in, say, New York, you bet I'd phrase things differently. I mean... how was I supposed to anticipate the Internet... man, would that have made my job easier. TV? Movies? Nuclear Bombs? Dating? Feminism? Hinduism? Liberalism? Even the Son was misunderstood, by His own friends, in His own time. What chance do I have?” He took a deep breath.

“I'm sorry, guys. You want Scripture? You want understanding? This is what I wrote: For now we see in a mirror, dimly, then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully.

The Problem of Hell

Since I am going to be working for a Christian organization in Africa (which may or may not involve evangelism) I want to understand my own faith before teaching it to others. This is my attempt to think through the "problem of hell", my biggest struggle with Christian beliefs. If you're not into theology, this post might not be for you. And yes, it's too long.

Disclaimers: Biblical Inerrancy is not the topic of this post. I am going to assume the Bible is the Word of God and thus tells the truth. However, is prone to drastic mistranlation by it's incredibly errant readers, including myself. If you expect a neat solution to the problem of hell, you're reading the wrong blog.

The Problem of Hell can be summed up as "how can a loving God punish human beings for ever?" Since the Bible seems to teaches both God's omnibenevolence (total goodness) and His sending people to hell, this creates a problem for people such as myself. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Problem_of_hell)

I freely accept that neither my understanding nor my morality is perfect. I disagree the Bible about a lot of things, and realize that I am probably wrong. For me, the problem I have with hell becomes worse a) the more torturous hell is and b) the more difficult it is to avoid hell. While I will focus on b), there is lots written on a).

While the conservative view of hell has people literally burning forever, modern theology tends to teach hell as seperation from God, bringing emotional pain, rather than physical torture. J.P. Morland argues "the punishment of hell is seperation from God, bringing shame, anguish, and regret... so it is punishment, but it's also the natural consequence of a lfie that has been lived in a certain direction." I don't feel qualified to comment on the nature of hell, but I do find it interesting that the Bible describes hell as both a "lake of fire" and as "darkness" which makes it hard to take both literally. However, as C.S. Lewis points out, "metaphorical" flames can be as bad as real ones. The Bible also seems to state that in the afterlife, we will be punished or rewarded in proportion to our deeds (see Matt 11:20-24 or Revelation 20:12-13). Thus, someone like Stalin might be expeccted to suffer more in hell than a run-of-the-mill atheist.

On to point b: does everyone really get a fair chance to avoid hell?

Conservative Christianity argues that God is justified in sending people to hell because people break God's perfect laws. However, because God is merciful, Jesus was punished instead through crucifiction. Thus God can accept people into heaven. This is pretty basic Christian theology, if that is not your strong point read here. (http://www.new-testament-christian.com/salvation.html), or go to the source and read the book of Romans and the Gospel of John in the Bible. The trick, of course is that we have to "accept Jesus" to be saved. Statistically, 1/6th of the world is Christian. I'm sure God uses different numbers, but these statistics do point out that a hell of a lot of people have not "accepted Jesus". Are they all screwed?

This seems unfair for the following reasons:

a) Some people have no chance to accept Jesus because they are too young, or mentally deficient, to choose Him.
b) Some people that do hear about Jesus in circumstances not conducive to faith. It is difficult to expect, say, a Muslim during the Crusades to feel affection for the Christian God.
c) Some people, after much thought, can not believe in Jesus for whatever reason. They are honest non-believers.

A conservative might argue that God is not obliged to save anyone, and that hell is actually a fair fate for people. (A Calvinist might argue that God has already pre-picked people for heaven or hell.) This is a Biblical belief, certainly- that is, you ignore all the verses about God's infinite love and mercy and justice. (Or if you have a radically different concept of justice than I have. Lots of people do. A Christian soldier fighting in Iraq or Afghanistan, for example, might find it totally just that a devout Muslim go to hell.)

So anyway, I don't want to believe the Conservative viewpoint (and I totally admit to being biased and emotional when it comes to the doctrine of hell). If I must believe in a God I think is unjust, this creates a big problem for me. Therefore, I look words of hope for the billions who die without being conventional Christians. And some of the loopholes I actually find convincing...

Universalism: this is the belief that everyone eventually ends up in heaven. Hell is either non-existent or non-permanent. A hell-less Christianity seems to me to be flat out anti-Biblical. I am intrigued by the idea of a temporary hell, meant to purify evil people until they are ready for heaven. However, I need to research more before commenting on this. So, for now, I will assume that the "hell is forever" verses in the Bible were correctly translated. The site http://www.savior-of-all.com/ for those interested in Universalism, argues they were not.

Age of Accountability: this belief suggests that people too young or handicapped to know Jesus properly will be saved by God's mercy anyway. Even hard-line convervatives often believe this. An AOA believer sites David's belief that he will see his child in heaven (2 Samuel 12: 23) , or Jesus' comments about little children, for example Mark 10:14-15 "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Conscious Rejection: This suggests that people that go to hell consciously reject God. That is, they willfully and defiantly refuse God's grace, and, in effect, choose hell for themselves. C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce", as well as modern Catholic theology have variations of the CR belief. J.P. Moreland argues "If we fail over and over agin to live for the purpose for we were made.... the God will have absolutely no choice but to give us what we've asked for all along in our lives, which is seperation from him... that's hell."

Of course, there are a lot of people that don't reject Jesus out of spite- they just don't find Christianity convincing, or feel secure in their own religion, or never hear about Christ. A CR believer would thus argue either:
a) that, despite appearances, non-Christian DO willfully reject the faith. People who claim to be honestly unconvinced are liars who would rather sin than follow Jesus. (I'm sure some people fit this category, but find it hard to believe all non-Christians do.) As for people who never heard of Jesus, if they really are looking then He will reveal Himself through miraculous means. (http://www.brokenmasterpieces.com/archives/000347.html for example. ) I'm not sure what I think of the "miraculous revelation" idea. It's cool, but I doubt that it's widespread.

b) The earth is a battlefield for souls between the forces of good and evil. Sometimes the devil wins through deception. Matt 13:19 says "The seed sown on the path is the one who hears the word of the kingdom without understanding it, and the evil one comes and steals away what was sown in his heart." However, the lack of understanding that allows the evil one to steal the seed is suggested earlier in the chapter to come from the willful hardening of one's heart. Perhaps God allows the devil to decieve those who "want" to be decieved? I find it hard to believe a God willing to die for a human salvation would let billions go to Hell as collateral damage, unless they precipitated it by their own free will.

c) perhaps people are judged "based on the light that is shown them." It is pretty clear Biblically that people can be condemmned withou hearing about Jesus (Romans 10), but can they be saved? According to the "light shown them" belief, people who don't hear about Jesus are judged based on their response to God shown through the natural world and their conscience (and- in my personal heretical view- perhaps their own religion). Thus they are saved or condemned based their response to what they have. The book of Romans 2 suggests such a theology, epsecially veses 7-8 and 14-16.

Romans 14-16: "For when Gentiles who do not have the Law do instinctively the things of the Law, these, not having the Law, are a law to themselves, in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them, on the day when, according to my gospel, God will judge the secrets of men through Christ Jesus."

Romans 7-8: "to those who by perseverance in doing good seek for glory and honor and immortality, eternal life; but to those who are selfishly ambitious and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation."

To me, these verses strongly suggests a judgement the possiblility of salvation, based on a response to one's own conscience. "Seeking for glory" isn't exactly a convential Christianity, but it is the honest desire to please God.

What response, exactly, is acceptable for a God who saves people through "faith in Christ"? A common answer (and perhaps the only possible one) is "we do not know and can only trust in God's mercy and fairness... We do know that the tribesman will have a better chance if he is told about Christ, so let's do that and leave the rest to God."

The Bible is rarely as clear-cut as systematic theology. I personally love the "light shown them" idea, and there is a bunch of verses that can be used to support it. Below are some.

A) The Jesus of the 1st 3 gospels, who talks a lot about hell, seems to point to avoiding evil deeds and doing good deeds as a basis for salvation or condemnation, instead of intellectual belief. (Matt 5:29, 5:30, Mark 9:43-47, Matt 31: 41-43 among many). His parable of the "sheep and the goats" (Matt 21: 35-46) suggests the way we treat our neighbor is what we are judged on. The parable of the ungrateful servant (Matt 18: 21-35) suggests God's forgiveness depends on our own. Also, Jesus tells several people that they will be judged much more harshly, having seen Him and His miracles face to face, then others whose sin will not be counted against them because of their lack of knowledge. (Matt 11: 20-24). These Gospels suggest, to me, that people who do not know a lot about Christ can still show love to their neighbor, obey their conscience, and forgive others and thus please God. (Yes, I realize this poses another problem, since I believe that I AM assured of heaven through my belief.)

B) The Bible says that God loves everyone and wants them in heaven.If God wants everyone to go to heaven, why would he create people with no chance to do so? A sampling of verses, some of which seem downright Universalist:

1 Tim 2:4 [God] will have all men to be saved, and to come to knowledge of the truth

1 Tim 4:9-11 This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance- and for this we labor and strive- that we put our hope in the Living God, who is the Savior of all men, but especially those who believe.

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient towards you, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

C) Hebrews 11, the ultimate "by Faith" chapter, mentions a bunch of people who have never heard of Christ, because they were born before Him. Nor were they especially moral. Yet the Bible suggests they went to heaven. Abrhaham came from a pagan culture. Joshua was a brutal warlord (though a God-sanctioned one.) Rahab was a Caananite prostitue. Samson was an egotistical psychopath whose big act of faith was a cry for vengenace, which allowed him to kill thousands. Yet all these, not one of them Christians, are commended for their faith. Jesus is called the "author and perfector" of our faith, right after a bunch of people are listed for their faith... but they didn't know Jesus! Interesting. Could it be that God looks at our hearts, not our knowledge?

Moreland argues "[people] don't consciously reject heaven and choose to go to hell instead. But they do choose not to care about the kinds of values present in heaven every day." C.S. Lewis thinks "There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way." "

D) The book of Jonah in the Bible is an interesting case study, though it's not about the afterlife. It's about God sending Jonah to Ninevah, the Capital of Assyria, to warn them that God is going to destroy Ninevah for it's people evil deed.

The first interesting thing I find is that when Jonah is on the ship, the pagan sailors who have many gods, instinctively respond with humility and obedience to the real God despite their lack of knowledge. Jonah, who hears God's voice personally and has no reason to doubt His existence is the disobedient one.

Eventually, Jonah gets to Ninevah and preaches his message of destruction. And the Ninevites, shockingly, repent! They go around "giving up their evil ways" and begging for God's mercy. (Which God? Assyrians hardly have the same concept of God as Jonah.) And God shows mercy, as he often did to the Old Testament Jews when they repented. Jonah, however is angry. He wants to see fireworks. God tells him "Ninevah has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who can not tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?" The mercy is given in response to an honest desire for forgiveness, not knowledge of correct doctrine.

E) Finally, and this is more a philosophical than a scriptural argument, if correct doctrine is necessary to go to heaven, we run into a problem of degree.

Let us propose, for example, that C.S. Lewis got Christianity 100% correct. (Lewis is a good example because he was well aware that he did not.) C.S. Lewis understands the Bible, and Christian theology, as well as is humanly possible. Thus his faith is not only saving, it is also "correct."

Few people would argue that anyone who disagrees with C.S. Lewis is going to hell (least of all Lewis himself.) John Calvin, Martin Luther, Mother Theresa, Philip Yancey, Billy Graham and so on... Most Christians would agree that, dispite their substantial doctrinal differences, they are all saved. Hang on! Mother Theresa? She's Catholic... she believes stuff that (I think) is flat out contra-Biblical! Yes her faith still saves her. How far can we go with this? Is the genuine, God-centered faith of the Jehova's witness enough to save him, while the Mormon goes to hell? How about Ghandi, who lived an amazing life based on Jesus' teachings but remained a Hindu? How abouta a devout Muslim in the heart of India where the Gospel rarely penetrates? A modern person who is "spirtual but not religious"?

I don't pretend to know where, or if, God "draws the line". It seems to me, however, that a fair and loving God would look at the heart of each individual person more than their mind. It a person genuinely submits to God (as they see him) and throws themselves on the mercy of God (as they understand Him) will he refuse them and send them to Hell? I don't know... I don't pretend to know... but I sure hope not. After researching for this blog post, I have found enough Biblical reasons to keep hoping.

I would be remiss if I did not mention that many ideas of mine were taken from the following sources (in fact, very little of this post is my own ideas):

http://www.danhickerson.net/Non_Christians.html

http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2003/0302fea3.asp

http://www.savior-of-all.com/

Philip Yancey. I've forgotton the book names but remember the ideas. Sorry, Philip.

C.S. Lewis. The Great Divorce and The Last Battle

Lee Strobel: The Case for Faith. His interview with J.P. Moreland is about the problem of hell.

http://www.twentyfeet.blogspot.com/. My good friend Jacob always writes about stuff like this and I steal ideas from him liberally.

God. The Bible. (I've always wanted to write that.)

India Report 7

INDIA REPORT # 7

"The lynx was dead. But the she-wolf was very weak and sick."- White Fang

"Rather than seek pity, sensing rather that weakness of any kind is something to be ashamed of, the animal crawls away to await the outcome: recovery or death"- Lassie Come Home

So there I was, sick as a dog, and for some reason I thought of quotes about sick dogs. I don't know why, though I blame the fever, and the hours spent lying there doing absolutely nothing. (By the way, I read those books when I was about 10, so the quotes are most likely wrong.) Anyway, I caught a pretty nasty flu bug the other day, had a bit of a fever, a vicious headache, and spent a day and a half in bed. Nothing like lying in bed, feeling like suck and having your mom and sister discuss malaria, and your presence or absence of it's symptoms. Rest assured however, that I do not have malaria, nor any other cool tropical disease, but simply the flu. By the time you read this I will be healthy again (I am already vastly improved.) Also, due to a lack of eating and sudden disgust at the thought of greasy, spicy curry, I will be thinner, with much less work, than weeks of running could do!

So, we head off tomorrow. Our itenerary for the last weekish is as follows:
We will travel to a nearby city with the Reverend and family, to see a project his daughter is running that gives milk and eggs to poor children

We will take the train to Mumbai. From there, we will train to Ranthambore National park. From there to Jaipur, which I know absolutely nothing about, except that it's both filthy and pretty- just like me! From there, probably to the Taj Mahal, and then to Delhi, where my mom and I fly back, while my sister travels with friends.

And finally, my"deep" thoughts for the day: this is the kind of stuff my mom and sister were discussing deep into the night, making me sleep deprived and thus subsceptible to ilness. (In their defence, my decision to do push-ups instead of trying to sleep did not help.)

# 1) To what extend it morality cultural? (I know the standard Christian answer is "it's not"). Most of us would agree that, say, dousing your wife with kerosene and lighting her on fire is wrong no matter where you do it. (This was how more than one of the kids here got orphaned.) However, in some cases it's much less clear cut. Although the Indian Christians disavow the caste system, we've noticed that they still seem to have a bit of a class-oriented attitude. Those with less money, less prestigous jobs, etc are expected to do simple but menial tasks for the wealther and lazier: "get me a glass", "here pass this Bible to that person" etc. Uncomfortable? Certainly. Immoral? I'm not sure... I like to think that, while I was a "holy crap it's a white person!" visitor in the villages, I set a bit of a good example for the Indian pastors by rolling up my sleeves and getting into the mud to help get a truck unstuck. Not that the Indian pastors don't do an enormous amount of good, or show a ton of love, for those less fortunate, mind you. They do, and they are much more to be admired than questioned.

And an enormous thanks go out everyone who helped to contribute financially to the mission, both readers and non-readers of this blog. (Yes, I realize that you need to read the blog to read the thank you, but the mission recieved generous gifts from people who have never heard of filth-man.) Most of the money was spent to buy rice, which is much cheaper now (it is just post-harvest) than later in the year. Thanks largely to your donations, the mission has been able to purchase over 600 sacks of rice. (We need 1000 for the year.) That's awesome.

India Report 2

"... two thousand pounds of education, falls to a ten rupee jezail (Afghan sniper rifle)"- Rudyard Kipling

"People go to India to learn great spiritual wisdom, but for some reason they don't see India, or what that belief system has done to those people over there. Karma, ugh!" - Frank Peretti

"If they just picked up all this trash sooo many more tourists would come"- my mom.

"Soap. You need soap. And I can see you are very sensitive. Are you a sensitive man?"- man on train.


A 24 h train ride is a lot of time to talk, think and read. I read a book called "the Afghan", a trash thriller with a technological and millitary (rather than political take on the War on Terror. The Kipling quote stuck in my head, mostly because of how cheap the rifle is. While you couldn't get a gun for ten rupees (30 cents) nowadays, but you certainly can get a lot for very little. Everything is dirt cheap in India. If you don't like the price, you can generally barter. There's always a ton of people trying to help you for tips as well- carry luggage, show you around, sell you things... We had 4 different kids come on board the train while it was stopped and offer to clean the floor with a rag cloth for money. It is most helpful if you are trying to get all your luggage onto the train, but most annoying if you only need to carry it 10 feet to a taxi.


Frank Peretti, a Christian writer who will never be accused of Political Correctness, blames the Hindu belief in karma for much of the suffering in India. He claims that the (now outlawed, but still widely practiced) Caste system, that places people in different social strata from birth, excuses the rich from helping the poor because "they earned it. That's your karma. If you are born to be a beggar you're meant to be a beggar." I don't know enough about Hinduism, Karma, or the Caste system to pass judgement.. however, we did have an endless conversation with a very nice gentleman on the train that scared me.

He imparted all his wisdom upon us, and while he certainly had some good things to say, his belief that you can discover someone's destiny and criminal nature from their hands and facial features was, to say the least, disconcerting. Someone should tell the FBI, would make their job a lot easier.. no, wait, did I just suggest racial profiling? The Peretti quote makes a lot of sense to me now. Anyway, a lot of the guy's credibility was lost when he "predicted" my age to be 21, AFTER being told my birth date. (I am 23). Also, his palm reading skills told him that I am a very sensitve man. My mom and sister actually went into convulsions of laughter upon hearing that. Oh yeah, and those destined to be poor have a certain feature on the top of their ear... don't remember if the "fortunate" have a flat or bulbous ear, but thanks to the magic of cauliflower earI now have one of each.. perhaps they will cancel each other out?

The third quote is in disgust at the incredibly disgusting streets of Mumbai. Filth everywhere. We went to a Hindu temple and a Mosque... inside they were clean, reverent, and filled with worshippers. Since it is considered disrespectful to wear shoes in the places of worship, "shoe guards" watch your shoes as you walk around. Outside the mosque/temple, beggars beg and mind-boggling mounds of trash accumumate. It's very strange to be a in a very devoutly religious country, where the majority if not Christian. Dunno yet quite what to make of it.

Our train ride was interesting to say the least. We sat 3 to a bench facing each other, facilitating the long conversation. At night time, we sleep 3 high, on bunk "benches" strapped to the wall. Because of our enormous amount of luggage (largely supplies for the children's home), positioning both ourselves and our stuff became quite an adventure. We got a good tongue-lashing from an irate 80-y-old, who eventually became quite friendly, and I had to sleep on a sack of random supplies, finding a soft comforable notch between a big tub of hand cream and a coathanger. My mom, in the bunk below, ticked my feet in her sleep. Twice. No, I don't know why.

Finally, I thought the man-holding-man-hand thing was wierd... much wierder when a man puts his hand on your inner thigh to talk to you. Takes some getting used to for sure. The grabbing of my belly was a bit too much.

We have arrived safe and happy at the children's home... but I will write about that after we have spent some time there and I have actual information. For now suffice to say the accomodations are very comfortable, the hosts are embarassingly gracious, their food is delicous and the children- dark, skinned, almond eyed and kind of shy- are adorable. And the people here don't own cows... they have WATER BUFFALO! Tame, domesticated water buffalo! How cool is that?

I realize as I am typing that my writing sucks today. I am sorry. I am very tired. But good tired.

Jens

Rambling's from Cave-Man Land

(my mom has NOTHING to do with this post)

Looking up from a miserable streak of planting one day, I locked eyes with an enormous black bear. He was right across the dirt road, 30 odd feet away, looking at me. I cursed my luck, looked at him, and wondered what to do. Bears are common in Northern BC, and they usually don't bother you, but this one was very big and very close. I yelled for my co-workers (bears don't like crowds) but no one was in shouting distance. I wondered if they would be able to hear my screams as I was being dismembered. I looked longingly for the truck, but it was nowhere to be found. I tried to ignore the bear, but such a thing is hard to do.

Finally I screwed up my courage, smiled to myself at the absurdity of it all, raised my shovel and started yelling. Yelling screaming, making myself look big. I advanced a couple of steps, waving my pathetic weapon, and the mantra in my head was "please don't eat me please don't eat me". As I got closer, the bear rose to face me- for one wild moment I braced myself for the charge- and then with the fluidity that all wild things have, he disappeared into the bush. As my heart rate slowed down, relief began to flood over me, and something else... a tiny sliver of regret. So small you could almost ignore it, yet so foolish it borders on machismo. "I was ready", it said. "Why won't you fight?"

I'm fascinated by the concept of man-eating animals. Not a man-killer, who acts in self-defence or anger and takes a human life (such as a rampaging bull or an angry pitbull) but a true man-eater, who hunts down a human being for food. The black bear I encountered was obviously not one. In fact, every bear I have ever met has given way. Some dash off into the bush, some retreat more grudgingly, but I have never even been threatened. I have been circled by a yearling wolf, a lean and gangly thing, and as I wondered if my size could compensate for his speedI remembered that entire species- cheetahs, african wild dogs and North American wolves among others- have sworn off man-eating.

I have stared into the eyes of a shark from a shark cage ( see http://filth-man.blogspot.com/2006/08/instead-of-info-i-have-decided-to.html), looked down on a hunting lion from the back of an open jeep, fished in a crocodile-packed lagoon and observed an irate leopard through an open window. (For what COULD have happened, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCAoIywxFk8. My leopard took off). These are some of my greatest memories. Perhaps my most memorable experience is catching giraffes with my uncle- huge, majestic creatures that are subdued by hordes of men with ropes- and the sheer exhileration of realizing it could- and wanted to- kick my head off but I was just out of reach.

The true man eater is rare. This is due to one of two reasons (and yes, they may both be true): Either a) animals have learned to avoid messing with man because he has guns and bombs and a long, bitter memory or b) because God has put man fimly in charge, as the book of Genesis seems to suggest. Man eating is very much location-dependant, which suggests that a) has a lot of truth to it. In Southern Africa, where proliferation of guns is a major social issue, leopards exist on the outskirts of major cities without ever being seen. In India, where peasants have no means of self-defence, they become a snack. Basically, predators eat people where they can get away with it.

African Lions, the scariest animals I have ever seen- just look into the pitiless eyes of a big lion and try to feel no fear- are nonetheless safe enough that, when I was on Safari 2 years ago we slept in the Serengeti, the Okavango Delta and the Ngorongoro Crater in fabric tents. (Lion safety lesson.. a) stay in your friggin' tent at night. b) If a lion comes by be very quiet. c) if it tries to get into your tent, kick it in the face. d) If it really wants to eat you, you are screwed.) Sure the ocasional tourist gets nailed- usually because they are blatantly violating park rules (one moron tried to re-arrange some lion cubs for a picutre)- but all in all, if you are careful you are relatively safe. This is not the case in more primative areas, where human beings have the ablility to deplete a predator's natural food source but not enough technology to protect themselves. Some remote parts of India, for example.

Yes, this does tie into my upcoming trip: I was researching national parks in India to find one to visit. Specifically, I want to see a Tiger. I found out two things:
a) Most National Parks were created to protect diminishing Tiger Populations
b) These tigers eat a crap load of people.

Really... it's quite bizarre. The descriptions for some of the parks go into long explanations of how they have had, and continue to have, problems with tigers nailing locals. a year What a travel ad that is: "our locals get eaten by tigers. But come on in, you won't." ( http://www.india-wildlife-tour.com/wildlife-sancturies-india/dudhwa-national-park.html. and http://www.india-wildlife-tour.com/wildlife-sancturies-india/sunderbans-national-park-tiger-reserve.html are good examples)

I am fascinated. Fascinated by the whole idea of human beings still at the mercy of nature, who go to bed at night knowing (as I did that night in the Serengeti) that something bigger and stronger might drag you off in the middle of the night and there was nothing you could do. In bear country I sometimes sleep with a big knife, wondering if it would be completely useless in self defence. I have found a common theme amongst my outdoorsy friends- every one of us wants, deep down inside, the chance to fight a bear. Many of us even have a plan, from the truly bizarre (do a flip over the bear and stab it in the back??) to the masochistic. (A friend of my grandfather's, when attacked by a lion, grabbed it by the tongue. The lion ate his arm but was unable to get to his vitals before the man stabbed it to death.) Perhaps this goes back to our anscestral past when, like the peasants in some parts of Africa and India, a man's abilites really were measured by how hard and how fast he could throw a spear. (To make things even worse for them, most of the man-eaters come from national parks. Imagine being told the government is protecting the killer of your children.)

I do not write to incite fear in those who read this. Tourists are well protected- they, after all, bring money. I write to share my fascination. I think there is a little cave-man in all of us, a little primative sliver that feels resignation that wants to prove itself against the wild. In Southern Africa, the animals everyone wants to see are the "big 5": the professed five most dangerous animals, the lion, leopard, buffalo, elephant and rhinocerous. (I think they got it wrong though: hippos, hyenas, crocodiles and snakes would make my list). Much in demand are the Walking Safaris- a guided walk through big game territory. (My mom did one as a teen-ager. A hippo almost got her. She loved it.)

Peope in the Bible lived like this. Biblical threats are written in language the people of that time fully understood- hungry lions, bears robbed of their cubs, angry serpents. Imagine walking to your girlfriend's house, filled with thoughts of romance, and being jumped by a lion. A lion! Then imagine turning around, grabbing it by the head and tearing it apart.. and being so blase about it that you didn't even tell your parents. How cool is that?

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful- very thankful- to be living in a world of safety, where my life is not in constant danger. I do not want to get eaten, and if a bear ever does come after me I will probably wet my pants. But still... I can't keep thinking... how cool is that? I wonder how many other people (especially men, this might be one of those "guy things") agree?

Christian Practice Room part 2

I'm going to stretch my wrestling analogy to tortured lengths, so bear with me. Please note that:
a) I am a Christian writing for other Christians. Christians who believe doing the will of God is important.
b) I'm not making the distinction between "our doing good things" and "God working through us" in this post. I'm not always sure what the difference is, and it's tiresome to write down both. When I talk about a Christian doing God-pleasing things, assume that they are doing it through the guidance and power of God.
c) Finally, I am struggling with the stuff I am writing, trying to work through it. My words are not pure truth, they are one man's perspective. Please remember that.

If the Christian life is a race, a struggle, a war (all Biblical metaphors) than too many of us are sitting on the sidelines. In a world that is filled with starvation, gluttony, lust, violence, hatred and has the capacity to turn itself into a smoking crater, we need a force for good. The Bible presents us with one- the Church. The followers of Christ. Following the greatest Good, with the back up of the greatest Power, and a handy instruction manual (yes, the Bible, don't you hate that cliche?) we are those equipped to deal with the evil (yes, evil, there is no other fitting word) that encompasses our world. However, the popular perception of Christians among non Christians seems to be one of two: either in propoganda-spewing, thoroughly hypocitical Republicans or naive, pathetic shut-ins that don't seem to do anything except sing and pray. This is not good.

I have a lot of bitterness toward the Religious Right, but this post is not about them. It seems to me, though, that a lot of us gravitate towards the second stereotype. Filled with the (worthy and noble) desire to BE good, we barely have the time and energy to DO good.

In wrestling, we have guys- either old retired guys or young beginners, usually- which are willing to practice, to train, to improve, but not to compete. They are- especially the old guys- often quite good, but are unable or unwilling to demonstrate how good.

Too often, we are practice room Christians, spending all the time training ourselves with our Bible-intepreting skills, our worship singing techniques, our lust-controlling marathons, and we forget to step onto the "big mat". Our Biblical knowledge of the verses commanding us to love, help and take care of our neighbour may be tremendous (mine is not, hence the lack of actual verses), but if we don't practice our skills what good are we doing?

World and Olympic champ Dan Gable was famous for his practice room skills as a coach after he retired from competition, thrashing Olympic medallists regularly in practice. He beat a young russian by 20 points in an exhibition match, who then went on to win several gold medals. Being "better" only matters if you can prove it in competiton- Dan will never get the Russian's medals. . Being "better" people, in my mind, is much more significant if we prove it with our actions. You no longer feel lust watching shampoo commercials? Great. Now use that self-control to do the world some good.

"Wait, wait, wait Jens.. Are you suggesting that becoming moral and knowledgeble people is unimportant?"

Hell no. It is of vital importance. Without "training" to BE good, how can we expect to DO good? The havoc wrought by unethical Christians- or Christians subceptible to temptation- is mind boggling.

I remember wrestling a multiple (Juvie and Jr) national medallist a couple years ago... he killed me first round, and then he gassed.. hard. with every ragged gasp from his mouth, I realized that I still had more energy then he. I ran him out of bounds repeatedly with minimal resistance (1 pt each) and eventually won in overtime, lifting him high into the air before slamming him down. (1-7, 3-0, 1-0 OT). He hadn't put in the time to train.

Afterwards, after he had put in his cardio training, I wrestled him four more times. The closest bout was 2-0, 4-0 for him. (not good memory). This is what training does for you. It is vital. Alexander Karelin, the consensus greatest wrestler ever (13 straight World/Olympic wins with no losses in that time) accredited his sucess to training "harder every day of my life then [his opponents] ever trained in theirs". Alexander applied his training billiantly. Do we?

Personal morality is just as important. Improving ourselves (with the help of God, of course) is a vital and never-ending quest. But it is NOT an ultimate goal. To quote John Eldrege: "Morality? Morality is never the point." It is a means to an end, just like the weight a wrestler can lift is a means to an end- more strength to crush his opponent. The end- our end- as Christians is a better world. A more Christlike world. A world with more faith and less hatred, more love and less violence, more joy and less sadness.

We are often so focussed on being good, and exactly what that entails, that we fight amongst each other instead of against a common enemy. How much Christian thought and literature is devoted to the evils of- and cures to- video games, rock music, mastrubation, drinking, dating, and dancing? (None of these, by the way, is expressly forbidden Biblically.) We can be just as nasty on matters of theology... just mention "evolution" in some churches! What possible good does fighting amongst ourselves do?

The Christian who drops the F-bomb upon hitting his thumb might concievable have a negative impact on someone who hears him. However, given the choice, give me the crude vulgarity of Martin Luther (and occasionally the apostle Paul, who told men to go castrate themselves) to change this world for the better any day! While we pay much attention to the small, visible evils of our neighbours, how much do we focus on the evils condemming our fellow Christians?
Tearing each other apart over legalistic issues? Showing judgement instead of love? Anger instead of grace? And no, I am not advocating a tolerate-everything, wishy- washy Christianity. Just a focus on loving God and our neighbour, solving problems instead of causing more. Who cares if the world is 6000 or 6,000,000,000 years old? What matters is that it's a mess and we can help fix it.

As part of my undergoing wrestling withdrawals, I recently spent time watching some of the all-time greats on youtube. (http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=the1qs has some good ones). As interesting as their similarities (domination on the world stage) were the differences. Each one had outstanding technique, but completely different styles. As differently as these men wrestle, everyone agrees that they are master technicians. We can see the results of their amazing technique... Gold Medals.

Perhaps, as Christians, we too should realize our differences. Realize that even what constitutes "right" might differ from person to person. (It is perfectly moral for some people to have a beer, but not for an alchoholic). Perhaps, we should be striving for results, for the proverbial Olympic Gold. "By their fruits you shall know them", Jesus says of his followers. Solve world hunger. End war. Dismantle Nuclear Weapons. Evangelize the world. Revive a spiritually bankrupt West. (Not individually, of course, but each Christian can have an effect. Together, that adds up to a lot). The world needs this, more than it needs people who refuse to listen to an Eminem cd. The Christians should be the ones demanding intervention in Darfur. Running homeless shelters. Sponsoring children. Navigating the elusive balance between waging a war on terror and striving for peace between societies. The world needs us. These are the "big matches". This is the testing ground, the true measure (I think) of our dedication to a Christ-like life. What are we willing to do, to sacrifice, for others?

("Wait a second. Jens... lots of Christians ARE doing that!" I realize that. That's exactly what we need more of. In my humble opinion, those Christians "get it".)

The quest for personal holiness (perfection?) is a noble one, though (to me) it doesn't seem like much fun. I probably underestimate its importance. However, I am deeply convinced that it is no substitute for an outward-reaching faith, a faith that truly seeks to love our neighbour as ourselves. I do note that many of the Great Heroes of our faith were deeply, horribly flawed. Yet they did great things. Why can't we?

P.S. 1
[I relalize this post is long on idealism and short on actual suggestions. Hopefully my trips to Africa and India, which will be spent largely trying to help the poor, will give me suggestions. Also, I wrote down some ideas in an earlier post: http://filth-man.blogspot.com/2006/09/help-poor-so-i-was-given-priviledge-of.html)

P.S. 2
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A partial list of flawed heroes from Hebrews 11: Noah the drunkard, Abraham the coward who twice offered to give his wife to a foreign king to protect his own butt, Jacob the lifelong cheat and swindler (who also wrestled with God, how cool is that?), Moses the murderer, Rahab the hooker (who did not, as far as we know, quit her job), Samson who scorned God, slept around and killed people recreationally, David who waged some pretty brutal wars and famously stole his own soldier's wife... the list goes on and on. All these were "approved because of their faith", and all of them did great things, so great that God himself applauds them.
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