Issues with God
Lately it seems that I have issues with everyone. I always thought I was easy-going and could get along with everyone, but apparently not. I have issues with my former landlords over money matters, issues with my “employers” over communication and issues with school and prison officials over (their) laziness. Some of this is no doubt entirely my fault, but it still leaves me frustrated…
So anyway, I can just hear a bunch of Christians reading this and saying, “it’s okay. Just turn to God. He’ll take care of you.” And with that, we come to the reason for this post: my issues with God, whose help I would greatly appreciate to resolve my issues with people. Whatever it means to be connected to God, I’m not. Like a billion married couples in the world, we have bad communication. I struggle to understand God’s presence, and actions, in this world. The claim that the God of the universe gives a crap about what happens to us is rather presumptuous, but it’s one of the cornerstones of religion, and Christian thought in particular. God apparently talks to us, or at least to millions of other Christians. Since I have never heard a voice booming from heaven, and my dreams tend to involve my fighting animals and not spiritual guidance, I have asked a bunch of other Christians, especially Charismatic ones that emphasise such things, how God speaks to us.
Through the Bible…
The Bible is great for learning about morality and useful for understanding theology. (In fact, I should probably go research the Biblical principles of God-communication). I don’t know how much it helps personal communication though. The Bible doesn’t tell me if I should quit my job, start a project, lend a friend R5000, or drop a weight class. The Bible seems to suggest that the Spirit of God takes care of these things. Does the Spirit work together with the Bible? When I actually read the Bible (instead of reading about it) I get really confused. It's not made clear to me at all. I’ve even tried the “open the Bible” trick, where you throw open the Bible and trust that God wanted you to read the verse that appears. Sometimes it actually works… unfortunately, “God” tends to tell different people different things... For example, the last time I tried this trick, struggling to understand the conept of hell, I landed on a very Universalist chapter. I doubt a lot of charismatics have had the Spirit tell them that hell is temporary.
It's sometimes argued that, the closer you are to God, the more correct your understanding of Scripture. Works great in theory, but in practice? Billy Graham and Mother Theresa, two of the most “godly” people of recent times, have vastly different understandings of theology. And even if God does give some people flawless Bible understanding, how do the rest of us know who they are?
Other Christians tell me that, while they might not understand the theology of the Bible, certain verses speak into certain people’s lives. For example, the story of the ungrateful servant convinced me to indeed lend a friend R5000, but I’m still unsure about whether I heard from God, or just put myself on a guilt trip. Personal interpretation is not always benign either; the Dutch Reform church in South Africa decided that the story of Joshua spoke to them in a special way, which meant white people were the chosen race and black people the evil Caananites. I’m pretty sure that one wasn’t from God.
Through the emotions. You “feel the presence of God”. Maybe I’m the wrong person for this one, as I am not in touch with my feelings (my most emotional moments usually involve sports) and very cynical. In fact, this might be one of my barriers to experiencing God. At a worship session I want to make sure that I REALLY feel God moving, instead of just enjoying the music. (Usually I do neither, I’m just bored.) Nor do I especially crave “feeling” God, I just want Him to tell me stuff. I’m not totally immune to Spiritual experiences, though: I once spoke in tongues. It was very unexpected and very strange. I even tried to swear in tongues. Surely, I thought, the Spirit won’t allow this, and sure enough I could not swear. This very cool experience helps remind me of God’s existence, but is singularly unhelpful for planning my life now. If God communicates through feelings, does that mean I should trust my emotions? I thought that was the cornerstone of irresponsible living.
Through that “still small voice”. This is the one that honestly confuses me, and I’ve tried to get definite answers from many different people. How does God talk to us? Do we “hear a voice” in our brain, or feel a conviction, or assume that when another person gives adive it is coming from God? How does this one work? (I really want to know. Tell me.) A charismatic pastor explained to me that there are 3 “voices” we hear: God’s, Satan’s (or that of demons) and our own. It's almost like that cartoon with the angel on one shoulder adn the devil on another. A sceptic would assume that most thoughts, good or bad, come into my head without any supernatural voice … but let’s work with the “two voices” idea.
Some thoughts act loving, speak the truth, help another person) can be safely assumed to be from God, or at least agree with what God would say. Others (watch that pornography, tell that lie, punch that guy in the face) can be assumed to be evil, even if Satan himself didn’t actually say it. The problem is, there is a bunch of grey area. This encompasses both morally confusing areas (do I turn the other cheek or stand up for my rights? Can I teach kids a lesson I disagree with?) and practical, morally neutral ones (where do I live? What job do I do?). It seems that God would be giving the good, or correct, ideas, whereas Satan would imput the bad ones to screw up my life and make me unhappy... but how do I tell them apart? Is it God’s will, or the Devil’s, that I am in South Africa now?
Biblically, Satan seems to be pretty good at what he does. If Satan is speaking into my head, how dare I trust any thought at all? (I’ve been told he can fake near death experiences, so that unsaved people think they aren’t going to hell, which leads to a nasty shock when they actually do die. That takes a lot of power.) I’m not sure I believe this, but still… How can I possibly have faith in a voice that I presume to come from God when it might come from Satan? If Satan can decieve most of the world, why am I immune?
Even more troublesome, does God really want me to do what’s good for me? For all of the apostles, God’s will seemed to be torturous death. How can I trust that God wants something else for me? Perhaps, even if I find His will it will suck beyond all imagining. Perhaps God’s will is for sinful Africa to die of AIDS and crime, a plague of sorts. Where would this leave my peer education group and myself? Opposing God? The truth is I haven’t the foggiest idea what God wants for a bunch of things, so I have no reference point for deciding if in idea might be from Him.
Through circumstances.
Some Christains tell me that “there are no co-incidences” and that everything happens for a reason. I seriously doubt that, but I can believe that SOME things happen for a reason. ("You said 'shutout'? Of course the other team will score now.") More seriously, in my family, there have been numerous occasions of “opened doors” (as the Sound of Music would say) which seem to be signs from God. However, just like God’s voice, His signs aren’t always clear to me, nor do they unequivocally point in one direction. For example, does all the frustration I feel about Prison Work show that God is slamming a door in my face so I will move elsewhere? Or am I experiencing the “adversity from Satan” I hear so much about, and does God want me to fight it and persevere? Or perhaps God and Satan are both sitting there amazed at what a naïve fool I was to think I could do things in Africa without struggling all the tine. How do I know? Perhaps if I pray a lot, God will tell me.. probably through a feeling or a still small voice. Wow, I better stop typing before I say something really sacreligous.
Total surrender.
This one, I haven’t tried. I can’t even bring myself to sing “I surrender all” in church because I’d be lying. (Nor, for that matter, is Jesus everything I want.)According to many, this is the key to effective communication with God, so it may well be the reason I struggle so much. For me it’s like a big catch-22. I don't have faith without experiences, and maybe I can't get experiences without faith.
If God’s plan for me is to die under torture, like the apostle Peter, well maybe I’d rather live I’m not sure why, but I have trouble accepting that God really is, well, nice. I always picture him as more of a traffic cop. in my own will and accept less heavenly rewards. I’ve always distrusted God. “Okay, one lie… two lustful looks, and you said the F-word.. I’m gonna break your starter.” (In fact, the most supernatural force at work in my life seems to be bad karma. My pride AWAYS comes before a fall.) Clearly, God and I have problems beyond bad communication, but since communication is the one that seems to destroy early relationships, maybe I should work on that one.
Anyway, I always ask for comments on my blog, mostly because they make me feel important. This time, when I ask for comments, I have a purer motive. I really would appreaciate advice, or anwers. I’ll even take sympathy.
16 comments:
I can't help you, Filth-Man. I tend to follow reason and my conscience, and when that doesn't work, I guess. I figure if God's got something important to tell me then he'll find a way to tell me, but I can't just sit around and wait. (Although it's probably a good idea to ask him.)
Regarding the possible suckyness of God's will for us, I think I generally agree with Bcakes that God wants good things for us. He loves us, after all. But on the other hand, this is a brutal, broken world, and sometimes I think God needs us to "take one for the team" in a big way (like John the Baptist). Sometimes when people tell me that God loves them or will look after them I press them to tell me what exactly they believe God won't allow them to go through. Do they believe that God will always meet their basic needs (i.e. not let them starve) if they trust in him? Do they believe he'll keep them from experiencing excruciating pain, or being murdered, raped, enslaved, or bereaved? They generally reply that there's nothing that God wouldn't allow them to experience, but that no matter what they go through, it'll be ok, and God still loves them. It's not that they trust God to keep bad things from happening to them, it's just that they trust God. I'm not sure if I find that comforting, but I guess some people do.
In response to both your comments, I--an individual who does believe that God's looking out for me--have no problems reconciling the fact that crap gets slung at me in my life (and, in others' as well). My reconciliation? The good proviso: "In all things, God works for the good of those who love Him & are called according to His purpose." Things that we may deem sucky and hellish while experiencing them--and even afterwards--tend to end up actually being beneficial for my progression in life & character. Because of this trend, I subscribe to the truth of Romans 8:28.
And as for hearing the voice of God... May I suggest a ludicrous option, one that is often overlooked? Have you, per chance, taken the time to just sit & listen? No adjenda, no expectations, no forcing--just listening. Or what about praying? I know that these may seem rather fluffy thoughts or options, so if you'd like more explanations about 'em, feel free to e-mail. Oh--and I'd probbaly send you off the 20+ pages of stuff I have written about it so far, if you don't mind reading ;)
LE
Jens, I like what you have to say... honest, yet true. It makes me wonder, how long does it take you to come up with this stuff? It's really good and inspiring, i like how it's authentic...although I'm usually in a rush when I read my email (i suscribe to the blog)and can't always read the entire document. But you'd asked for comments, and there's my comment. Good stuff! I like it, and I always look forward to catching more.
As for me, I'm with you on truly 'surrendering' my all. Guess i need to start with faith and hope for some experience.
Jarret
Hey Jarett,
Thanks for the encouragement. As to how long it takes me to come up with this stuff, the ideas are usually floating around in my mind for a long time (i've spent months wondering about this one), until something gets me worked up enough to actually write it down. The typing part goes fast, I'm a quick writer and don't edit a great deal- hence the grammar mistakes.
Truly surrendering is hard, eh? Both because I'm not sure what to surrender TO and because, well, I don't like to surrender.
Jacob and LE; your comments deserve a better response then this, and they will get one eventually, just a thought for now...
I remember, last time I did prison ministry (3 y ago) a young man telling me that he wa afraid to leave his gang and confess Christ, because they would kill him. I remember thinking wow... easy to tell him that God is on his side, that dying for Christ is a privildge and all that, it's not me that's in danger of getting shanked.
Jacob, I tend to use reason, conscience and guessing as well to make decisions. And I don't think trusting God necessarily gives phyiscal protection either.
LE, my email isn't working, so I'll use this opportunity to ask fore written stuff/explanations please. My biggest problem with "just listening" is that, as mentioned, I don't know if what I hear is coming from God, from other spiritual forces, or from my own wandering mind. I would love practical help in doing this.
Finally, I totally agree that pain- and even annoyance- can be used by God to make us better people. That doens't mean I relish the prospect though.
Reading your blog, I was reminded of Job,who seemed to have some similar issues and questions that you have. I don't think that you are physically affected like he is, and he had no say in his circumstances, while you chose to experience the "suckiness" of people who have no say in the circumstances they grow up in. The questions are similar though. Going through the trials he went through, he questioned God many times. He longed to hear God's voice (Job 13), he reasoned with God, he certainly did not understand that Satan was involved in sending him all these trials, (with God's permission-) in short he was confused; so were his friends. They were not privvy of God's intentions either, they had it all wrong.
Job's emotions were up and down- I doubt that he could trust them, God's still voice was absent for a long time and circumstances just did not seem to add up to make any sense of God's direction for his life.
God eventually did reveal himself, he honoured Job's honesty and his search for answers, although I bet God's answer was nothing that Job expected. It did not tell him what to do next, but it taught him humility and led to his surrender.
Finally peace returned to Job's life.
Keep on searching.
Esther
I have no good insightful advice. Cept' not everyone sucks, and you get to leave soon (i will come and save you).
I know it is a rather shallow response to real deep theological issues. But it is the best one I have.
Esther, good advice...
I've read several commentaries on Job, mostly by Philip Yancey, but perhaps I should actualy re-read the book of Job. I think that, once you really experience God, like Job, all the questions don't matter so much because you KNOW that God is backing you up.
Kathryn, I'm sorry if I gave the expression that everyone sucks, Even in South Africa, most people are very nice. I was in a very bad mood when I wrote this post, and I am usually less frustrated and bitter than the post indicates. Nevertheless, I look forward to being rescued.
God's word
Many Christians are convinced that God's character and message is revealed to them by listening to the bible. Daily reading in the bible can help to remain connected with God. While they don't understand many parts of the bible, God's love for individual humans is the recurring theme that stands out clearly.
I believe that it can be risky to single out individual bible verses for making your decisions. The danger - as I see it - is that you might make your own decisions and just use the bible as a "rubberstamp" to give "God's authority" to your plans. It becomes tempting to "steal God's blessing" by "mis-using" His word.
On the other side, there have been occasions in my life when a group of bible verses have "nagged" me repeatedly; and I have interpreted that as a sign of God to prompt me into taking action in changing something in my life. It was quite obvious to me what God wanted me to do.
Council of brothers and sisters
It is usually helpful for a believer to stay in fellowship with other Christians. "If two or three are gathered in my name, I will be among them" said Christ. Jesus sent out his desciples in pairs into the villages. God's body consist of many parts,etc.
God speaks in silence
When Jesus seeked God's message, he withdrew himself into the desert; a place of silence and in-action. Many Christians communicate with God in their "desert". The prophet Elia heard God in the silence of the mountain top (not in the storm). The desert is a different place and time for different people. You may have to try to find your "desert", your place of silence before God.
Emotions and Feelings
My own emotions are often like a roller-caster: One day I feel great about God; the next day I feel nothing; and the third day I feel deprived and just want to argue with God. For me a solid relationship with Christ comes from knowledge and experience. Knowledge that God care about us, and experience that He "saved" me. Once a basic relationship is intact, my particular feeling or emotional state becomes secondary.
What to do?
Often we put to much emphasis on deciding WHAT to do, and too little effort on deciding HOW to do things. You can "serve"
God in Edmonton or in Cape Town, in tree planting or in prison ministry. It is important that you are part of the "salt" for the world, and not the sweet sugar coating of triviality.
Whom Should You Help
It is tempting to choose my neighbor based on whom I like. It is difficult (and more Christ-like) to ask the question, who selects me to be his/her neighbor.
The question should become "who needs my help?" rather than "who let's me feel great if I help?".
My Advice
When you don't know what to do, ask the simple question "What would Jesus do in my situation?".
Probably 99% of the cases, you would have no clue of what he would do. And in those cases, just keep doing what you are presently doing. In some cases, you might think "I am quite sure what Jesus would be doing". In these cases, I would try to emulate Him. At least if will give you a direction in which to strive.
Hope my ideas are of some help!
Gemsbock, your name is awesome... and your advice is good to. I appreciate the suggestion that sometimes God's silence might actually be part of the plan, as opposed to meaning that I am outside the plan.
"What would Jesus do" might be a cliche right now, but it's good advice. Perhaps a major reason for Jesus' human life was so we could see how God wants us to respond to different things. Of course, as you say, the Bible doesn't always say how Jesus would respond in every situation.
Don't lose perspective. I know I have prolly said it before but when you are immersed in a whole different culture and reality it is so easy to lose your own basis and perspective. I personally think things do happen for a
reason.
However I refuse to believe that those who are not emotional will
never be able to understand or communicate with God. That would seem really unfair on God's part, and fairly Calvinist. If you surround yourself with people with completely different understandings then you and they honestly sincerely believe it then yeah you are going to start to doubt your own thinking. I think that is why people surround themselves with similar
thinking people. it comforts them to be re-confirmed by others with what they believe. I firmly believe people screw up people not God.
I dunno where in the Bible it says you need to have this sort of
relationship with God to truly be saved or able to believe in Him. We obviously can't have the same relationship with him as people in the Bible did. We have had completely different experiences with Him. I feel like it
is crazy for everyone to experience God in the same way as others. I think a lot of people use that fact of "well only if you agree with us or do our
practices you will truly know God and experience him", as a sad excuse to convert and attract people to their practices and bolster their ideology.
God IS in your life, just cause you don't understand him does not mean he is not there. Even in the Bible people doubted God, even after God came down
and they saw his miracles and yadda yadda.
Annonymous, great advice.
Point by point... I'd like to think that I don't wnat to find support for my own opinions so much as find REAL truth. Thus it is necessary to consider the possibility that I am wrong. (Of course if the real truths is awful I might wish I had my comfortable illusions back.)
Sometimes God does seem pretty Calvinistic to me (as in He chooses to reveal himself to some and not others) but I can't believe that God wants nothing to do with some people, as a strong view of Calvinism might suggest.
I also agree that faith and salvation are quite possible without an emotional relationship with God. Faith is arguably stronger when you have LESS proof of God's existence, and salvation is based on faith (with or without works depending on your theology.)
I agree a lot of people prescribe to a "this works for me so it must work for you" theology. I don't think they are necessarily doing it out of wrong motives, often they actually want to help... Like faith healer/preacher Benny Hinn, who suggests that ANY christian who asks for, and wants to recieve, the Holy Spirit can have a deep, emotional, constant connection to God.
I, on the other hand, tend to agree with Gemsbock that feelings fluctuate wildly and don't really matter so much, at least in relation to God.
Finally, for perspective from people who believe that God has our best interests in mind, I suggest the Bcakes link suggested by jacob in his first comment.
Hey Filth-Man. I think that perhaps God is wanting you to take irrigation to Africa. Can't you hear God's Spirit speaking to you as you read this?
On a more serious note, I am intrigued by all of your musings and questions of God. Reading your thoughts drew my attention to the seeming unjustice of God sending rain on both the unrighteous and the righteous. If we do hear God's communication to us then shouldn't we enjoy all the fruits of this life without having to live through the "suckyness?"
I am starting to think that God's care for the "good things" for us in this life are way, way secondary to our knowing him, trusting him and having relationship with him.
I just finished reading the stories of King David who had a pretty brutal life and partly so because of one single act of indescretion. Then I read on about King Ahab who did more evil than all of the other kings. God finally lays the prophetic boom on Ahab and his family and then Ahab does one humble act of tearing his clothes and fasts and God spares immediate disaster on him because of how Ahab humbled himself before God. Part of me was incensed of about the inequity here but part of me was strangely attracted to this somehow.
I guess when I read your stuff I found myself thinking that God cares more about you and your relationship with him than he does all the good things you may or may not get accomplished in Africa.
Hey "irrigation" annonymous..
I always thought that bringing slurpees to South Africa would be a great business venture myself. No one drinks them even though it's crazy hot.
I also believe that pleasure and fulfillment for us is way down in God's list of priorities. (Even many atheists would agree that some things are more important than our own well-being.) Our own spiritual growth is surely higher up on that list. The idea that God sentences some people tos, or allows them to choose, some sort of hell suggests that other things (human free will? battles with evil spiritual entities? God's glorification?) are even more important that the spiritual well being of each individual. I suppose it's quite possible that even God's silence in a person's life serves some greater good.
I don't remember much about Ahab's life (other than that he does get punished at the end.) But I agree with you that God seems to be pretty harsh with some people and not others.
I know a girl who once told me "there's nothing you can get accomplished in Africa. All you can hope for is personal growth". She may be right, but I refuse to believe it. Call it arrogance, or idealism, or whatever, but I have to believe that my actions, in Africa or otherwise, can benefit other people in a posiitve and significant way.
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